5 Movies That I Shouldn’t Like – By Brian Morton

 Okay, last month’s rant on movies that no one liked except us got me to thinking. No not about why I forgot to submit my personal rant, although getting older, I’m always concerned about early onset Alzheimer’s, but I started thinking about movies that I had seen, and enjoyed, that I really didn’t talk about in public. And the more thinking I did, besides increasing my headache, the more movies I came up with. So, I decided that since I couldn’t rant last month, this month I’d rant alone!

The first movie that came to mind that I actually enjoyed, in an ashamed I did, guy-type fashion was My Best Friend’s Wedding. Now, before you start giving me crap about liking a Julia Roberts movie, let me explain. First, there’s the Cameron Diaz factor. I’m sorry, but she’s just hot! Then, the story about a guy who has two attractive women vying for his affections is just something I could relate to…okay, that’s a supposed to be a joke, but on re-reading it, it’s just sad. I can’t really explain it, but this movie about a guy who’s getting married and who’s best friend happens to be a girl who discovers she has feelings for him, just worked for me. It wasn’t the best movie I ever saw, but it wasn’t the worst either. Overall, I think I enjoyed My Best Friend’s Wedding more than my wife did…and it’s a chick flick!

Next was The Butterfly Effect. After seeing Ashton Kutcher prancing his way across MTV, "punking" people, I was sure that this movie would suck so hard that they might have to equip theatre seats with seat belts to keep people from being pulled toward the screen. After all, who hasn’t watched Ashton dance around in front of the TV camera like some kind of strange, retarded monkey on crack and just wanted to kick him right in the head? Really? That’s just me? Well, anyway, sitting down, I was well prepared for a movie that was going to be so intolerably bad that even I, the famed Bad Movie Guy, couldn’t tolerate it, but I was so very wrong. This story of a man who can change time is a great movie. It’s a little hard to follow at times, but that’s more due to the time traveling that’s done in the movie that the story itself. And who knew that behind all that insane jumping Ashton actually had some acting ability? I certainly didn’t! But, trust me, he does, this movie is well worth the rental fee and I think you’ll be as surprised as I was.

A couple of Christmas’ ago, there was a little movie called Love Actually. It was a British movie with a large ensemble cast and it was all built about finding love and keeping it. Now, ordinarily I won’t even go near a movie like this for fear of an estrogen overdose, but for some reason, my wife was watching it and I sat down and the next thing I know, I’m sucked in…and I’m actually liking it!! In fact, I’ve watched it a couple of times since I first watched it. I don’t know what there is about this movie, Hugh Grant is good as the British Prime Minister who falls for a servant. Bill Nighy as the aging rock star who realizes that his road manager is actually the person who loves him the most…in a guy type way. And Liam Neeson as a step-father who’s wife has died and left him with a young boy who’s just fallen in love for the first time. Yes, this is a Christmas movie, but it’s actually just a nice story. There’s a little bit of nudity and some off-color talk, but overall this is just a movie with a sweet heart, and it’s rare for me to watch, much less enjoy a movie like this! Disproving, once and for all, what everyone thought, that as the bad movie guy, I had no heart at all!

Now, let me tread into the comedy genre, now, I know that we all love Happy Gilmore, but what about the Adam Sandler movies that people generally love to hate? And, by that, I’m referring to Big Daddy. Yep, this movie was the movie everyone I knew loved to hate, except for me. For some reason, I found this story of a guy who finds himself stuck with the son of one of this friends very endearing. Yes, the plot was a little thin, but I could overlook that because what is there is your standard ‘guy’ stuff. It’s all the things that every Uncle does when Mom and Dad aren’t around, until he realizes that what’s fun and what should be done aren’t always the same thing…I’m thinking of the scene where Adam lets the kid become the ‘smelly kid’ in class, we’ve all known the ‘smelly kid’ so I think we can all get a laugh out of that. I know that it’s not the best Adam Sandler movie, but for some reason, Big Daddy holds a special place in my heart.

Now, for one that most people thought was one of the worst movies ever made, and in fact, it was, but for some reason, I enjoyed it. That’s right, the Kevin Costner epic, The Postman. If you haven’t seen it, and let’s be honest, most people haven’t, this is a story about a post-apocalyptic world where one man decides that to regain our humanity we should be delivering the mail. Why is the mail the key? Well, that’s not real clear, but damn it, if we can get the mail through, then anything is possible, right?!?! Yeah, I’m not sure about that either, but it worked for me. The only thing that bothered me about this movie is that it’s a little too long, but then, almost all Kevin Costner movies are, aren’t they? There’s other things wrong with this movie, the story is recycled from almost every other movie set in the not-too-distant future, and of course there’s what I call, the Kevin Costner factor, that indescribable thing that makes the movie really and truly bad. I’m convinced that if you could bottle the KC Factor, you could take over the world, like some bizarre Bond villain, but who has the resources to bottle that much suck? Certainly not me, but as for The Postman, for some reason this movie didn’t bother me as much as it probably should have. Now, that’s not a glowing endorsement, but I can say that I’ve seen The Postman multiple times and would probably sit through it again, whether or not that makes me a masochist, you decide.

So, there you go, a lame comedy, a couple of crappy sci-fi movies and a couple of chick flicks. Now they say that there’s no accounting for taste and I guess that just proves it. Let me just say, in my own defense that you probably have a few cinematic skeletons in your closet and, as they say, let he without movie sin, cast the first reel…or something like that. But, just so you don’t think that I’m the lamest reviewer in the history of movies, let me just add that I actually know a guy who thinks that Battlefield: Earth isn’t that bad a movie, I won’t name him for his own protection, but that particular piece of information always makes me feel better about liking some of these lame movies I’ve just talked about, because after all, I may like a couple of chick flicks, but for God’s sake, Battlefield; Earth??!!??