A Feast of Flesh (2007) – by Brian Morton

 When a movie opens with a face being removed from a guy’s skull, I have to admit, it gets my attention. And that was probably the intent, don’t you think? Well, my attention was front and center for the new movie by Mike Watt, A Feast of Flesh, but don’t think this is your typical gore fest, it’s really not. Here’s the story:

It seems that in a small town a group of female vampires have been running a quiet little brothel, one that only caters to out of town clients, because once you go in, getting out if pretty difficult…if not impossible. Well, when a local man wins an invitation to get into the brothel, he discovers that his best friends girlfriend is working there. Now, that wouldn’t be a problem, ordinarily, but his friend is still in love with this girl, who told him she was heading to New York to start a new life! So, as all drunk guys will do, they spring into action without really thinking….and find themselves in the middle of a war between the town elders and the vampires. It seems that the truce was broken when the vampires recruited the local girl and now, since the treaty is broken, it’s full on war.

Now, the movie is far more subtle than my ham-handed description. It’s a complex little story, involving a little political intrigue, some action and about ten gallons of blood! As vampire stories go, Watt has crafted a story that keeps the story moving forward without falling back on the typical vampire clichés. The vampires are all women, but there aren’t really any big lesbian scenes (as one usually gets in lady vampire movies), and while there’s quite a few ‘heaving breasts’ there really aren’t any gratuitous naked ladies here, there is some nudity, but it’s all part of the story, not just an excuse to see topless chicks! Amy Lynn-Best and Stacey Bartlebaugh-Gmys are really the center of this movie, Amy plays Elizabet, the lead vampire and the keeper of the brothel and it’s dark secret, while Stacey really shines as the vampire/victim Terri, the girl who starts the war in the first place. The only real problem I had with this whole movie is Watt himself. While he’s a good actor, his really bad Irish accent took me out of the movie every time he spoke, I don’t know why he used that, I expect it was to continue the connection to Elizabet Bathory, since the name of the brothel is the Bathory House, but it’s a tenuous connection and I’d much rather have heard Mike’s normal voice over that accent! Overall, I’m giving A Feast of Flesh three and a half out of four cigars, because, despite that accent (which haunts me!), I did enjoy the movie, it’s a fun b action movie, that had an ending that surprised me and left me wondering where the story would go next. You can check out A Feast of Flesh for yourself by heading over to the Camp Motion Pictures web site, it’s a fun movie, trust me. So, until next time, when I’ll do the whole review in a British accent, that I do very badly, remember that the best movies are bad movies.