Destined to be Ingested (2008) - By Duane L. Martin

Film Reviews: Destined to be Ingested (2008) - By Duane L. Martin
Posted on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 @ 18:23:01 Mountain Daylight Time by Duane

When is a cannibal movie not really a cannibal movie? When it's Destined to be Ingested. I must admit, this movie is SO not what I expected it to be. I was expecting some doofy cannibal flick where everyone gets killed in brutal ways and eaten, but that totally wasn't the case here.

Destined to be Ingested is about two couples who are taking a charter boat trip somewhere off the coast of Mexico and are heading out to some island. Unfortunately, their captain, who calls himself "Macho" (Manuel Fihman), gets them lost and they wind up on some uncharted island where a tribe of cannibals has been living unnoticed for god knows how long. The couples, thinking the island is deserted, go ashore so they can enjoy the pristine beach and the sunshine while the captain stays aboard his boat. As the captain watches them through his binoculars however, he sees a native come out of the jungle. He watches as the native hucks a spear into the fat guy, Chester (Theodore Bouloukos) and then proceeds to kill his hot young wife Sandy (Suzi Lorraine). Well, that was enough for Macho. He starts up the boat and takes off, leaving the other couple, Tom (Kris Eivers) and Anna (Kitty Cole) alone on the island.

Tom tries to make a raft for them to escape on, but his raft sucks and won't float. It doesn't matter though, since a native finds him and kills him shortly after anyway. That same native also finds and captures Anna and falls in love with her. Eventually she falls in love with him too and they make a baby together, which doesn't go over too well with the tribe when he trots her in there six months pregnant. Fortunately, he's the son of the chief, but his father and the shaman and everyone else ain't none too happy about the situation, and his father tells him he has to kill her. Fortunately for her, he refuses. Throw in the three dead people from the ship coming back as zombies into the mix, and things become really chaotic as Anna and her native "husband" Kohi (Noshir Dalal) fight to survive the onslaught and get off the island.

There was a lot more that I could have put in there, but what's the point? You're better off just watching the movie if you want to know what happens.

Anyway, as I said, this movie was SO not what I expected. I was really impressed by the quality of the production, especially in several key areas. First, the cinematography was really well done. The shots were all set up nicely and the camera work was just great.

The second thing that really impressed me was the set design and costuming. The cannibal tribe's village was just amazing, as was their clothing and make-up. Honestly, they looked like a genuinely authentic tribe.

Another thing that really struck me was the acting. Not so much on the part of the main players, though they were all decent as well, but by everyone who played tribe members. The two real stand-outs in the tribe were Koshi and the shaman (unfortunately, I was unable to find the name of the guy who played the shaman). Noshir Dalal is a phenomenal actor and really athletic. Looking though his resume, I can see why. He lists himself as a kung fu instructor, fight choreographer and a personal trainer. He can add great actor to his list of skills as well. The shaman guy...man, he was amazing. He was such a little bitch, I kept expecting Scooby Doo and Shaggy to come sneaking out of the jungle any minute to lead him into a trap so he could be unmasked and start bitching about "those meddling kids".

The most impressive thing about the tribe for me was that they actually came up with a language for them and subtitled everything they said. That made it all much more realistic and added a whole extra dimension to the film that you wouldn't expect a film like this to have.

I think the only really negative thing I can say about this film is that dialogue recording didn't sound natural. It was an obvious dub recorded in a studio and didn't even match the characters mouths all that well. This was both good and bad in that yeah, it was obvious and the studio quality to the sound made it sound unnatural, and yet on the flip side, it made the dialogue clear and easy to understand. Once they get on the island though, you're so used to it you don't even really notice it anymore.

The long and the short of it is, this is a really good film and if you get a chance to see it, make it a point to check it out. I can't find any news about if or when it'll be released for sale or if it's appearing at any film festivals, but definitely see it if you can. It's totally worth it.

If you'd like to find out more about this film, you can check out the film's website at http://www.holocaustholocaust.com.

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Now, one last thing...

I don't usually take notes on the films I review, but occasionally I do. Most of the time it's just character names and what not, but sometimes I start rambling on about the stuff I'm seeing in the film and goofing on it. Well it just so happens that I was watching this film on my computer and I had wordpad open to take notes, and I started doing a running commentary about stuff that was going on as the film progressed. I thought you all might be interested in checking out what kind of notes I take when I actually take notes like this. It'll give you a little insight into the mind of a reviewer as well. Oh, and by the way, for those that don't know, XD is an emote for laughing. If you don't get it, just find a picture of Cartman laughing on South Park and you'll know why people use that symbol. Anyway, here's my notes from this film. These are totally unedited and presented here just as I jotted them down. Enjoy. :)

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The South Pacific, 1987.

Really fat ship's captain called Macho. Really fat charter guy who's a douche. Another couple.

Voice dubbing is way too obvious, like it was recorded in a room. Doesn't even match their lips all that well.

The guy from the normal looking couple just got a call. The market crashed and they have nothing left.

Couldn't get the name of the island because of the guy's accent. Why is suzi lorraine with such a huge slob? Now she's giving the captain a blow job. What's up with that?

The slob wakes up from his drunken stupor and comes out and says "that's not the island you stupid spic!" The captain takes offense and they end up in the water fighting...but there's a shark with a funny fin. XD

It's the wrong island. They're lost. Macho got them lost.

They get on the island and fat boy has a bag of coke. They all do some lines.

The normal couple go exploring and she's all horny. She wants it in the island jungle. XD Now they did it in the jungle and the guy is passed out having some dream about four years earlier.

In the dream he got busted for drunk driving. Apparently they were poor and they won the lotto on the same night he got busted.

Macho just woke up and came out of the hold. Hilarious. This guy is a total doof. XD All of a sudden a native cannibal comes out and kills the fat ass with a spear and whacks his wife in the back of the head. Dunno if she's dead yet or not. Macho sees it through the binoculars and takes off with the boat.

Dude's trying to make a raft now so they can get off the island, but one of the natives found a beer bottle cap he left laying around and now knows they're there.

Native just tagged his ass with a blow gun. The guy's trying to get away and the native dives into the water after him. He called out to anna, but he's fucking done. XD Now she's the only one left.

The native spots anna and chases after her. He wants her ass but she tags him with a coconut, but not hard enough. He pops right back up and tags her with a blow gun and knocks her ass out.

He tells her she's beautiful like a goddess and he'll protect her. He bandages her up and gives her shelter. She don't know what the fuck is goin on.

Apparently he violated holy law by helping her. He loves her. He just saved her from some other dude from his tribe. She's learning his language a little. Now he's showing her is village.

Now she's makin' out with him. What a slut. XD

Six months later now. She's pregnant with his kid. TOTAL SLUT!!! XD

He takes her into the village and this douchy witch doctor comes out having a hemmorage screaming about her not entering the village and asking if the baby is his.

Now some white looking chief dude comes out and he's giving them the stink eye, but turns around and goes back into his hut after. XD Apparently it's his father, because the douche bag witch doctor comes and tells him his father wants to speak with him.

Yep it's his father. The ass is telling him their god won't be pleased that she's been brought into the village and that he must kill her.

He's reminding his ass father now that the woman who was his mother was a white chick from the outside too. That pisses him off.

The guy goes to this altar made from a wrecked rowboat and bones and shit. He's pissed and smacks the altar. He ain't gonna kill her. Fuck their god! Yeah! XD

Wow, the father's dead now for some reason. XD Holy shit! They're hacking up his body....and eating it I guess.

Wow, the other couple just showed up again as zombies and took out the shaman guy! XD Now he's a zombie too! XD They're attacking the villagers. What the fuck is this about? XD

He just stabbed the shaman in the head and killed him, and now he tells her they're gonna leave the island.

The other couple zombies come back and he kills them while she runs for the canoe. Now one of his own people is attacking him as he tried to get away. Oh great, now Anna's zombie husband is after her. Talk about a bucket of suck. XD She just put the beatdown on him with an oar. I guess her native dude got killed too. He was coming after her and she bailed in the canoe.