One Eyed Monster (2008) - By Duane L. Martin

Film Reviews: One Eyed Monster (2008) - By Duane L. Martin
Posted on Friday, May 01, 2009 @ 15:09:52 Mountain Daylight Time by Duane

If I were to tell you there was a movie where some mysterious force from space comes down from the sky and strikes Ron Jeremy while he's standing outside taking a leak, you'd probably think that sounds kinda funny. Then if I told you that the force actually caused his penis to separate from his body, leaving him dead while it went around and tried to kill the rest of the cast and crew of a porn film (at least those it couldn't breed with), you'd think I was out of my mind. Well, I'm not. Such a movie does exist, and it's called One Eyed Monster.

Basically, the film is about a group of people, including porn legends Ron Jeremy and the still seriously hot Veronica Hart, who are going up to a mountain cabin to make a porn film. The cabin is way out in the middle of nowhere, and to top it all off, it's snowing, which leaves them snowed in and cut off from the outside world while they're there. The rest of the movie is pretty much what I described above. Those who suvive the initial attacks try to capture and destroy the possessed penis with the help of a drunken old Viet Nam vet called Mohtz, played brilliantly by Charles Napier. See, Mohtz shows up on their doorstep practically frozen to death, and soon after we find out that he's encountered a penis monster once before...back in 'Nam. It killed his whole platoon and once he got back home he crawled into a whiskey bottle and just stayed there.

Do they finally trap and kill the monster? Yes, and I have to say it's one of the most creative monster kills I've ever seen in a film. I'm not going to tell you what it is though because that would ruin it. You'll just have to watch the film to find out.

This film, as cheesy as it sounds, actually turned out to be pretty good. It's listed as a comedy, and to be honest it does have its moments, but it's not really a full on comedy per se. It's more of a film that has amusing moments sprinkled throughout. Still, there are enough of those moments to make it entertaining and enjoyable.

The one thing I would have liked to have seen more of in this film was the actual penis. A lot of the shots we get are like "penis eye view" shots rather than seeing the actual penis attacking people. When we do actually get to see it attacking people, it's fairly amusing, but usually it's just the penis wrapping itself around someone's neck and choking them, which ends up being rather boring. A good FX company could have made a really sweet animatronic penis that would have added immensely to the film. Hell, even a CGI penis would have been more interesting. The penis used in the film is just a typical dong you can buy at any adult shop.

The character interaction and dialogue in the film was surprisingly well written and acted. Ron Jeremy and Veronica Hart came off as very natural, which I guess has a lot to do with the fact that they were playing themselves.

The crew consisted of three people - the camera and lighting guy Jonah (Jason Graham), the sound engineer / inventor T.J. (Caleb Mayo) and the make-up girl Laura (Amber Benson) who also happens to be secretly in love with Ron Jeremy and ends up getting impregnated by his alien possessed penis. Jonah, T.J. and eventually Mohtz end up having the best interactions in the film, although I must say there's a scene with Ron Jeremy and Veronica Hart having a conversation that was very striking in its candidness and realism.

Then there's Jim (Jeff Denton). He's the producer of the film, and an all around ass. The only person he cares about is himself, and he's the one person in the movie you really want to see get killed. Fortunately, we aren't disappointed, as he ends up getting killed in probably the coolest looking way in the film. The actors in the film other than Ron and Veronica all did a good job, but were for the most part filler characters, so I won't get into them here.

This is one of those films that just by its very nature could either be cheesy and fun, or could suck so bad it'd make you want to hit yourself in the head with a hammer just to make the pain stop. Believe me, I've seen movies like that...I know! Fortunately, this film fell on the cheesy and fun side of the fence. Still, if I had one piece of advice for the film makers, it would be this. If you ever make a sequel, please consider getting a good FX studio in there to make an animatronic penis. It would add so much to the film, and is the one thing that would have raised the coolness factor of this film immeasurably. Still, even without it the film is entertaining and enjoyable, and I have no problem recommending it. The DVD is available for purchase on Amazon, and I'm sure from other outlets as well, as of April 28, 2009.

If you'd like to find out more about this film, you can check out the film's website at http://www.oneeyedmonstermovie.com.