As the summer movie blockbusters are about to start with so many sequels being released, it has gotten to the point no one can think of a single movie that isn't a sequel, remake, or re-imagining. Why go to a theater filled with derivatively lame movie sequels when you can get completely insane derivative sequels without having to go to a theater, pay $10 for a medium diet Coke, or have to sit near the guy who's on his cell phone more than a 16 year old girl talking about her date by just reading my deranged ramblings on a computer screen?


American PI Jim is a mathematical genius and truly loves his mom's hot steaming apple pie. As he tries to develop a formula to calculate the probability of getting to third base on Prom night, his friends have wacky shenanigans. Stifler is accidentally caught when he tries re-enacting a gag from Porky's and must endure the wrath of Coach Beulah Ballbreaker (Eugene Levy in drag). Jim becomes more frustrated by his lack of success with the Ursula, the busty Swedish exchange student. As the formulas and variables come easier to Jim, he starts to realize the profound equation is far more reaching than he ever imagined...


Captain American Werewolf in Paris
Everyone's shield-swinging hero is back. Even after Captain America's previous lycanthropic adventure in England, one would think he'd have learnt his lesson... However, he is on another vacation in Europe. This time, he's in France. Why? Because as everyone knows that all super soldier werewolves love to run around Paris terrifying pastry chefs who scream "Sacre Bleu!!!" As he wanders around Paris, all must be afraid of if he ever thinks that the Eiffel Tower looks like a giant chew toy.


Natural Born Killers from Space
Editing the insane movie of Oliver Stone's with a 1950s sci-fi movie somehow makes more sense. To be honest editing Stone's movie with 2 hours of a blank screen would make more sense. A group of aliens kidnap and brainwash Peter Graves into a raving psychopath, he travels around with Juliette Lewis having sociopathic adventures that look like they were written for a 1960s art film. Peter Graves who will insure you don't remember him from Mission: Impossible when he discusses Kant's theories on philosophy as he drowns a sack of kittens.


War of the Colossal Beast Master 2: Through the Portal of Time
A deranged giant man (Marc Singer) is able to control animal travels to present day Los Angeles. A spunky rich girl (Jessica Alba) must help him in his quest. As the police must contend with a giant who can control animals, the Colossal Beast Master must stop his evil half brother (Wings Hauser who really needs a job to pay for his car payment) from stealing a devastating experimental weapon with a Nintendo DSI and taking it to their home world where Tanya Roberts is considered talented.