Movie Mashups 8: Curse of the Deadly Harvest - By Danny Runion

Articles & Profiles: Movie Mashups 8: Curse of the Deadly Harvest - By Danny Runion
Posted on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 @ 18:10:59 Mountain Daylight Time by Duane

Leave sanity, logic, and coherency behind. Please repeat to yourself, some people were actually paid to write scripts for movies like House of the Dead and Toxic Avenger 3. Too many people automatically assume they're the reincarnation of Shakespeare or even think that they're superior to the screenwriters from Mike Meyer's: the Love Guru. Once again, I'm still twitching with more demented ideas because my actual good idea hasn't been considered for true greatness. Yes, the beach volleyball movie is now an epic trilogy starring Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansson. With an idea that great, the rest of these movie ideas can't be good. By the way, I'm still volunteering as camera man for those movies like every other red-blooded man would.

At the Brokenback Mountains of Madness:
Somewhere, HP Lovecraft would be spinning in his coffin over this truly frightening idea. On a small backwater planet, in a miserable dimension, Cthulu and Dagon have to tend the 1,000 spawn of Shub Niggurath. As the millennium passes, they start to realize their growing affection for each other. Cthulu is still drawn to his urge to crush mankind in an unspeakable nightmarish vision of chaos colored in blood and sounded in the screams of the innocent. While Dagon has nothing against any nightmarish visions of colored in blood and screams of the innocent, he would rather keep tending the spawn of Shub Niggurath with Cthulu in their own private vista away from the human world of Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and the Octo-Mom. Ang Lee directs this movie exactly like he's trying to do a sequel to the Hulk with all the gimmick camera angles.

RoboCop and a Half:
After Alex Murphy (played by Burt Reynolds) was gunned down protecting a child witness; he was rebuilt into a cyborg law enforcement officer. Criminals are in sheer terror of Robocop with a truly 1970s magnificent mustache. The child witness requests that Robocop Burt to protect him again. Hilarity and shenanigans ensue as RoboBurt must contend with the precocious child. As he tries to also catch the men that murdered him, RoboBurt slowly learns to regain his human emotions and defeat the master criminal only known as Sheriff Pusser (a computer generated Jackie Gleason.) Audiences will be rolling in the floor with the crossing sword scene.

Se7en Brides for Se7en Brothers:
The world loves thrillers and musicals. However, the time has come to fuse a thriller about serial killers with a musical. Yes, seven psychopathic brothers decide it is time for them to settle down. However, the brides-to-be decide about their dowries. The brothers from the woods have to now show their potential brides their determination by each eliminating 7 former boyfriends of each bride. The new local police officer is being trained by the retiring officer (Morgan Freeman) as they discover their biggest case will involve plenty of logger mountain men and spontaneous dancing to unheard music.

Short Circuitry Man 2: Plughead Re-Wired:
Forget Freddy Versus Jason. They haven't got the necessary street cred for a true battle royal. This is the true epic movie battle: Johnny Five Versus Circuitry Man. In a post apocalyptic wasteland, Johnny Five has been re-activated as he travels through the desert for "input." However, he has to try to evade the charming Plughead who is chasing after him to take his USB port.

The World is Not Enough:
Right now, you're thinking there was a James Bond movie titled that. Unfortunately, my idea is even worse than the original concept. In the course, of one of James Bond's missions, he has a fling with Jennifer Lopez. She gets irate with being dumped because of her massive ego and trains to be tough enough to beat and kill him. Yes, actually, it more like a jilted Jennifer Lopez chases James Bond like Carrie Fisher does to Jake Blues in the Blues Brothers. Well, Jennifer Lopez's ego and contract allows her to perform several dance numbers to a percussive beat to the funeral march that will have Ian Fleming rolling in his grave.