Movie Mashups 11: Curse of the Toy Maker - By Danny Runion

Articles & Profiles: Movie Mashups 11: Curse of the Toy Maker - By Danny Runion
Posted on Thursday, July 02, 2009 @ 00:08:56 Mountain Daylight Time by Duane

It is a given that they sit in the chairs and rule over everyone for the only opinions that matter are their opinions. If you don't fall down and accept how the only movies that matter are those brilliant artistic independent films, you obviously must be WRONG, a philistine, and not possessing enough intelligence to accept how truly magnificent they are. Well, with ideas like that, the world has yet to embrace the brilliance of my ideas. With such horror and madness throughout the world, there has to be something that can make the world a better place. A beach volleyball movie with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansson has to be a good beginning.

Apocalypse Now You See Him Now You Don't:

An invisible Steve Guttenberg, who is peeking into women's gym locker rooms, is sent on a mission to kill the deranged Colonel Kurtz (a computer generated Marlon Brando). No one will forget when Tackleberry from the Police Academy movies delivers the immortal quote "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like....victory..." Some may think replacing Martin Sheen with Steve Guttenberg is complete insanity. However, it is demonstrating the dichotomy of casting a superior actor with one who is known for starring in Can't Stop the Music or the casting director was Guttenberg's cousin that will be best remembered..

Chopping MallRats:

The idea of combining the typical 1980s horror movie with the Kevin Smith styled characters hanging out in a mall is a blank check signed by Bill Gates. Watch as Jay and Silent Bob must battle slow moving security kill bots. Cheer as various 80s Coreys' (such as Corey Haim and Corey Feldman) are randomly slaughtered. Groove to the 80s styled chase montages featuring music from such greats as Cutting Crew and Huey Lewis and the News.

Next of Kindergarten Cop:

Some people said crossing Next of Kin with Kindergarten Cop was a terrible idea but were probably the same kind of people who don't believe the world is spherical. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fills in for Arnie in this sequel. After teacher Arnie was driven insane by the children of mobsters, the Rock (with a Suthern accent that makes everyone on the Dukes of Hazzard sound Northern) has come to take his place. As he deals with these spoiled kids, he slowly starts to teach them to be more respectable. The mobster fathers don't appreciate the new teacher's techniques. However, they try to layeth the smack down on the Rock but are going to learn the true meaning of revenge if you smell what the Rock is cooking.

THX-113 Eight Men Out:

You may be a Star Wars fan. However, the biggest secret is about to be revealed that may destroy all your joy in Star Wars. A secret will shock everyone and everything so much that even the magnetic poles will reverse in surprise. The world will be shocked by this tale of how George Lucas and actors were bribed by Steven Spielberg to tank Star Wars Episodes 1-3. Your heart strings will be pulled when a small boy asks "Shoeless" George Lucas to say it ain't so that Jar Jar was actually meant to be funny, and George walks away even smaller than before...The Vader Primal Scream will be the only thing left on your lips as you leave the theater.