Bacterium (2007) – By Brian Morton

 Before I even start, I should ‘out’ myself…I’m a huge fan of Brett Piper! He may be the only filmmaker today, who’s unafraid to call his movies ‘B’, and that doesn’t mean that they’re ‘sub-par’, it just means that Brett sets out to entertain us, not enlighten or teach us some moral lesson, he’s a story teller and, as we all should know, all stories don’t need a moral, but they do need to be entertaining! Well, entertain is what Mr. Piper does in his new movie, Bacterium.

Bacterium is really a throwback (or an homage) to the old ‘science run amok’ films of the 50s and 60s. The story here is pretty familiar, the government, in an attempt to create the ultimate biological weapon, has created a bacteria that mutates so quickly that they can’t contain it. And, as is usually the case in these movies, the bacteria gets away from them and they have no way to stop it. Into the middle of this governmental nightmare wanders four kids having a little game of paint ball in the woods, but, when they decide to use the house that’s already occupied by a scientist who’s trying to kill the bacteria, so they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place…or a mad scientist and the evil government in this case.

Bacterium may turn out to be one of my favorite Piper movies, the cast is great, and, instead of the Shock-O-Rama regulars, Mr. Piper has cast with (almost) entirely new actors (not that I have anything against the Shock-O-Rama regulars, they’re all great, it’s just nice to see new faces occasionally). The real star of the show is the monster, portrayed as a monster not unlike the Blob, it’s a single cell organism that rolls along and consumes any organic matter in it’s path…with a preference for human flesh, it’s really the star because it’s all done (in Piper tradition) in real effects, none of that CGI stuff for Mr. Piper, he’s old school, and it really works! I’m giving Bacterium four out of four cigars, because it’s not only an homage to the great sci-fi horror movies from the past, it’s also a great movie that will stand on it’s own! You can get a copy for yourself by heading over to the Shock-O-Rama web site, most of Brett Piper’s other movies are there too, you really can’t miss with any of them! So, until next time, when I too will be consuming anything in my path…with a preference for cake…remember that the best movies are bad movies.