Carnosaur (1993) – By Alexandra Bradley

A doctor named Jane Triptree (Diane Ladd) is a genetic research genius. She single handedly destroyed a sub species, making her a hero to some and public enemy number one to others. Suddenly she disappeared. Many years later she was found secretly working for Eunice, where she was generically altering chickens. The chickens start to lay humongous eggs, causing the mother hens to explode. From these eggs burst forth a dinosaur that grows at a rapid rate. While these dinosaurs go on a killing spree, all the women in the town start to get really high fevers. What’s going on and why did the same guy get killed twice?!

This flick wasn’t boring and the acting wasn’t that bad. What caught my attention was the sheer lunacy of it all. This movie made absolutely no sense. Not even when they explained everything did it make a shred of sense. Holy crap. No one had any sort of motivation and if they did it, it was completely stupid. The doctor, Jane Triptree is genetically altering chickens so that she can bring dinosaurs back to life. I’m sure that couldn’t even work, but if we look past that…she doesn’t have any solid reasoning for doing it in the first place…because humans don’t belong on earth? The earth was made for dinosaurs? Sure, why not…but why does she hate humans so much and why does she love dinosaurs? Has she ever met a dinosaur? Why has she lost faith in humanity? C’mon! Give us something!

Later on in the movie a completely useless character Doc Smith (Raphael Sbarge), says he’s being framed for countless murders that the dinosaur made. Um…right…no one has even accused him. At the beginning he’s a useless drunk…how did he make the transition from drunk to hero? Why did he appoint himself? Throughout the movie he keeps meeting up with this hippy chick named Thrush (Jennifer Runyon) and they dislike each other a lot. Suddenly at the end of the movie they’re in LOVE?! What???

I seriously didn’t understand the timeline the movie was running on. They had this little label on the bottom of the screen that said the time and how much of the population was infected. They’d always say different things…like one minute 70% of the population is infected and then it’s 0%. So, my guess is that they’re jumping around in time…but why? Also…they showed the same guy getting killed in two different ways. What’s that about? He’s the first body they find and then he gets killed again at the end of the movie, but in a completely different way. This wasn’t a bad movie, but I was so confused by all the plot holes and jumping around in time that I didn’t really enjoy it. They also had blatant use of puppetry and coke product placement, which was amusing. So, yeah…this was a movie that made no sense and went on a little too long. It had its amusing moments but not enough to block out the lameness. Because of this, the jury gives this flick: two stars.