Cavemen (2013) – By Duane L. Martin

Dean (Skylar Astin) has reached a point in his life where the constant dating and meaningless sex has gotten old. He’s ready to find love, yet finds little sympathy from his best friends. He’s got one friend who’s a total player and gets it wherever and whenever he can, another one who has found "the one", yet left her in New York when he moved to L.A., and has since been dating someone else, another friend who’s supposedly in love but is in a toxic relationship with a girl who’s a total pain in the ass, and a girl named Tess who’s his best friend that is just as afraid as he is of admitting that the two of them are really in love and belong together. Whew! How’s that for a run on sentence?

I’ll just keep this one short and sweet. If these are the the kind of shallow, irritating and utterly idiotic people that are running around L.A., then I’m insanely glad that I’ve never been there. I mean seriously, right from the get go in this film I knew these were people I wasn’t going to be able to identify with and that I’d never want to know in real life.

To start with, the dialog in this film is entirely unrealistic, and not only is it unrealistic, but it’ll have you wanting to reach through the screen to slap people. His friend, the playah for example. The guy’s an actor, and he keeps telling Dean these stories about his sexual exploits and all the weird stuff that’s happened to him, and none of it sounds the slightest bit realistic. His other friend with the crazy girlfriend doesn’t really say a hell of a lot, but you want to slap him for staying with the crazy bitch and getting back together with her over and over again after they break up repeatedly. His best friend Tess you’ll want to slap, because when he finally does have a moment with her, she gets all uppity about it and then not only treats him like crap after, but also starts dating his best friend, which leads to him dating someone, which then makes you want to slap him for getting that girl to fall in love with him while he’s really in love with Tess.

Confused? It’s not really all that confusing. About 80% of the people in this film are shallow and irritating. ‘Nuff said. You can probably guess how badly that killed the enjoyment value of the film. However, just to be fair, there were actually some parts of it that were mildly entertaining, like when Dean was attempting to go out with various girls he met through a dating service. Some of those encounters were actually fairly amusing, despite Dean’s best attempts at ruining the moments.

While the film looks good and is edited well, It ends up being nothing but a bore full of annoying people that really aren’t worth the 87 minutes of your time.

If you’d like to find out more about this film, you can check out its page on the Well Go USA website here, and if you’d like to pick up a copy of the DVD or blu-ray for yourself, you can get them from Amazon, or from any of the other usual outlets.