Cinematic Confusion Between Men and Women – By Brian Morton

Since there have been men and women, there’s been some confusion. If you are, in fact, a woman, then the confusion is minimal at best, but if you’re a man, then the confusion is significant and almost constant! Why, you ask? Well, alot of that has to do with us men. We do things that seem to make no sense to anyone but us and, God bless ’em, the women manage to put up with us. Now, I don’t know about in your house, but in mine the main sticking point seems to mostly be about the movies we watch. Well, not the movies that my wife watches. The confusion mostly comes from the movies that I watch. So, in the interest of gender relations I thought that I would take a minute to explain to you ladies out there, why the men out there like the movies that we like…. keep in mind that I am a man, so sometimes my logic will completely confuse you women. With that said…

Sometimes it seems like men as a whole don’t really know why we like the things we like. Often it seems as though it’s somehow genetically programmed into us. Such is the case with Godzilla. You haven’t met a man out there who hasn’t sat down and watched a Godzilla movie. Oh, when you first meet us, we might deny it, but that’s just male ego, but trust me, we have all watched Godzilla destroy Tokyo! Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons for this. First, as guys, we like things big. I know there’s a joke to be made there, but I’ll remain tasteful and avoid it. We like things as big as possible, and you can’t get much bigger than a monster that uses an entire city as its plaything. Now, here’s the thing about Godzilla, he’s part good guy and part bad guy, it’s sometimes hard to tell, but that doesn’t really matter. This is one of those movies series where what’s going on story-wise isn’t all that important to most of us. It’s the running, screaming crowds, the army vehicles, and, of course, the Big G himself dealing out a whole heap o’ destruction.

The second kind of movies that seem to be a problem in my house are revenge movies. These are guy romances of the highest order. Now, I know most of the women reading this probably just fell off their computer chairs, but yes ladies, movies like Death Wish or The Crow or even the Vin Diesel movie, A Man Apart, are all guy romances. As guys, we’re trained from birth to protect you women-folk, so these movies are about just that and the hell that we will rain down upon anyone who messes with our loved ones. Now, most guys wouldn’t really go on a rampage of revenge if anything happened to our loved ones, but we’d all like to think that we would find the people responsible for our pain and make them pay! Armed with this information, you ladies now have something to think about the next time you see us watching one of these films.

Now there are tons of things that we do that confuse you girls, but suffice it to say that we don’t really mean to confuse, we’re only doing what we do. Remember, as men, we’re a simple folk. It doesn’t take much to make us happy or entertain us. We like Cops and wrestling on our TV’s and explosions and destruction in our movies. You give us those things along with some pizza and beer and you’ve got yourself a pretty happy man. I know it seems like I’m oversimplifying things, but I’m not. You ladies have complexities that we can’t even begin to imagine. Men however…simple doesn’t even begin to describe us. Simplicity is sometimes waaaay more of a complex thing than most of you realize! And, there, as they say in church, endeth the lesson.