Delta Delta Die! (2003) – By Duane L. Martin

What do you get when you cross a bunch of horny guys, some hot young college girls, a sorority house, a bake sale, two legendary actresses and a nice healthy dose of cannibalism? You get Delta Delta Die! Brinke Stevens and Julie Strain star in this cannibal caper that was surprisingly more fun than I had anticipated. Then again, I tend to like pretty much anything that has Brinke Stevens in it, so I didn’t really go into this film with overly low expectations to begin with.

The story goes like this: Twenty years ago, two friends, Marilyn Fitch (Julie Strain) and Rhonda Cooper (Brinke Stevens) were having a late night swim with Rhonda’s boyfriend John (Steve Malis) and another acquaintance of his from school. Things got out of hand in the pool and John punched the other guy so hard that he ended up drowning. Unsure of how to handle the situation, Rhonda comes up with the idea to dispose of the body by cooking it and eating it. John doesn’t want to go along, but Marilyn dominates him into it; and so the story begins. They decided to have a bake sale and use the meat to make pot pies and quiches and other such things, and they made so much money from the bake sale that they decided to kill someone else. This time they chose a bum from outside a bar, but his meat wasn’t as good as the young athletic jock types from campus. When the sorority they wanted to open a chapter of on campus found out how popular their bake sales were and how much money they were raking in, they quickly accepted their proposal and Delta Delta Pie was born. Eventually, Rhonda’s guilt built to a point where she left the sisterhood, swearing an oath on her way out that she would never expose their secret. Marilyn stayed behind and is now the house mother and John grew up to become dean of the college. Now the new girls of Delta Delta Pie (all four of them) are bringing new meat home for Marilyn to butcher for their bake sales, and with homecoming fast approaching, Marilyn has her girls out on the prowl. It’s only when Dean Wilkins’ assistant becomes suspicious of what’s going on that he calls Rhonda in to help put an end to Marilyn’s butchery. To say any more would be to give away the end of the story, so I’ll stop here.

Delta Delta Die! had it’s share of T&A, but they didn’t use it as a crutch for a bad story the way many films of this nature do. The story was there, and the acting was for the most part quite good. One of the things I love about Brinke Stevens is that she has a sort of “matter of fact” way of delivering her lines. She could be talking about a horrifically bloody mass murder and say it the exact same way she’d tell you about some shoes she’d tried on earlier that day. What’s odd about it is that where line delivery like that would come out sounding stupid from anyone else, for her it just works and it adds a larger sense of fun to whatever movie she’s in. Julie Strain played her usual sexy kind of amazonian dominatrix character in this one, and did a great job with it because this type of character is just…well…it’s her. One thing I noticed about her is how tall she is. When she’s got her dominatrix boots on she damn near has to duck to get through a doorway. In fact, during the ending confrontation between her and Brinke, the size difference between them was almost comical. The sorority girls themselves and pretty much everyone else in the film were surprisingly good and gave performances that went way beyond my expectations. It’s a fun film, and certainly one I could recommend without hesitation. If you want to see Brinke in my favorite film of hers though, you should check out Teenage Exorcist. Not only is it a great film with great performances, but Brinke herself wrote it. It’s a lot more fun than Delta Delta Die!, but Delta Delta Die! is itself quite a fun film and well worth watching.