Detective Dirt (2013) – By Brian Morton

A police drama is a pretty difficult thing to pull off on a low budget. So, anytime I see one, I try to keep in mind that there are huge restrictions on the filmmaker, and take that into account when watching the movie. Well, a new movie, Detective Dirt, is a different kind of police movie, part police movie, part slasher film, this one is one that’s about a different as anything I’ve seen this year.

Dirt is a hard-boiled cop who’s seen everything, but there’s one thing that won’t leave him. It’s the death of his mother when he was a young boy, she was killed by a maniac in a mask who’s obsessed with sex and cannibalism. Dirt has put it behind him (mostly) but still hopes to one day catch the evil bastard. Well, now the mad mad has risen again and Dirt is hot on his trail, but can Dirt catch him before he kills again, and who is the man behind the mask? It all gets very weird…and when I say weird, I mean VERY WEIRD!

Detective Dirt isn’t a terrible movie, but there are parts that just really distracted me. You see, every cop doesn’t need to be a ‘Dirty Harry’ type, and that’s what Dirt is clearly trying to do, with certain exceptions. Also, the insane amount of cursing that goes on is amazing! Now, I’m no prude and have been known to curse myself (if I’m awake and talking) but I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word ‘mother-fucker’ used so many times in a movie in my life! Then, there’s the use of a rubber penis. I’m not sure who’s idea it was, but there’s an endless amount of penis in this movie. It’s almost like a frat-boys dream come true, so many dick jokes and dick sight-gags that it just goes from disturbing to annoying by the middle of the movie…and then the dick play just keeps coming (no pun intended!).

I’m giving Detective Dirt 2 out of 4 cigars, it’s a movie that really wants to be a disturbing serial killer tale, but the writer was clearly more interested in getting his rubber penis on screen more than fleshing out characters and writing scary set pieces. It’s a cop movie that’s not for anyone…mostly just the lovers of penis! Find out more for yourself over at!/DetectiveDirtTheMovie.