Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005) – By Duane L. Martin

Red’s got a problem. See, this evil guy called Nefarious that looks like he fell face first on ugly street has kidnapped his ultra yummy girlfriend Violet. This leads Red to take on the persona of a super hero called Red Man so that he may embark upon a quest to find his lost love. The evil Nefarious however has more than just matrimonial plans with the lovely violet. He’s building a machine that will turn the entire world into zombies that will serve his every need and desire. Oh, and did I mention that Red and Violet are both cannibalistic serial killers? Confused yet? Well, I don’t blame you. It’s really something you’d have to see to understand fully.

Die You Zombie Bastards! is both literally and figuratively exploding with cheese. I say literally because there are actually cheese bombs in this film, and figuratively because this is one of the cheesiest movies you’ll ever see. While some movies are cheesy unintentionally, this film goes out of it’s way to achieve a level of cheesy goodness not found in most other films. But did it succeed? Well, yes and no.

Where this film really succeeded was in the performances. The actors all looked like they had a lot of fun playing their roles, and the film generally doesn’t suffer from what I like to call "read dialogue syndrome". Basically the actors actually acted instead of sounding like they were just robotically reciting memorized lines or like they were reading them off a cue card. There were also a large number of kooky characters that kept popping up throughout the film that were quite entertaining as well. Overall the performances were great and all the actors in the film are to be congratulated. The set designs, costumes and props were also extremely well done. I have no idea what the budget of this film was, but they went out of their way to make it look cheesy and cool, and you can tell a lot of time and energy was spent in designing everything.

Where this film didn’t really succeed was in it’s pacing. Literally, probably twenty minutes could have been cut out of this film without missing much of anything. There were a lot of extended scenes of Red running around from place to place, or of him training or whatever. A lot of these scenes really added nothing to the film and should have been cut in the final edit. If they had been, the film would have been a lot tighter and have moved along nicely. I actually found myself becoming quite bored in some of the extended "nothing really interesting happening" scenes, and there were some extended periods of dialogue that could have been cut down a bit as well.

All in all this is a very entertaining film. It’s goofy and cheesy and at times quite funny. It has some great performances and the girls are all really nice to look at, but yet it does have its problems as well. The question I had to ask myself in reviewing this film was, "Is the entertainment value there?" Looking back on it, I would most definitely have to say yes it was, and I did have a great time watching it. Despite it’s problems, this was in fact a very fun film that was cheesy as all get out, and I think anyone who watches it would probably find it quite enjoyable. As for the extended traveling scenes and what not…well, that’s what a fast forward button is for.

If you’d like to find out more about this film or pick up a copy for yourself, you can check out the film’s website at http://www.dieyouzombiebastards.com.