Fill in the Blanks Movies – By Danny Runion

Someone once said "there is nothing new under the sun." The lack of many original b-movies isn’t because of a lack of original material. It is more writers are banging out derivative scripts. While it isn’t a new thing even with the way Hollywood has been remaking Asian horror movies at Mach 5. Larry Buchanan, regional filmmaker, was known for quite a few movies he made that were remakes of Roger Corman movies just with smaller budgets.

The internet is full of people railing against remakes. I’m ranting against movies that just by changing the names of the characters and a few details you wind up with another movie. Take the following 3 examples and just try to think of how many movies could fit into these examples of FILL in the BLANK movies. Afterwards, calculate your score and see how well your grade is.

Example 1

He is a rural (sheriff, deputy, state wildlife officer, etc) investigating a mysterious death when she, big city (scientific expert in arcane field) arrives. Though at first, they can’ stand each other until after discovering the (alligator, snake, mythical creature, giant insect, etc…) After a couple of their plans fail, they must rely on the crazy (hermit, odious sidekick, dishonored scientist, etc) to help them with this last ditch attempt before the (military or federal governmental agency) implements their plan to stop the (alligator, snake, mythical creature, giant insect, etc) that will ruin the environment and inadvertently super-size the (alligator, snake, mythical creature, giant insect, etc). Can the rural (sheriff, deputy, state wildlife officer, etc) and the big city (scientific expert in arcane field) save the day in the nick of time even with the ending that leaves open the possibility of a sequel?

Example 2

A down on their luck (cop, reporter, detective) is investigating a series of (murders, robberies, disappearances, etc) that the (police, newspaper, client, etc) don’t believe are connected. As the (serial killer, robber, arsonist, etc) continues their crime spree, only the lone (cop, reporter, detective) is getting close to unraveling the truth. The (serial killer, robber, arsonist, etc) begins playing mind games with the hero who steadily is losing what little support they had to begin. Can the hero stand on their own to prevent the (serial killer, robber, arsonist, etc)’s nefarious scheme from reaching fruition?

Example 3

A (tornado, earthquake, tidal wave, hurricane, volcanic eruption, etc) has been predicted by (seismologist, vulcanologist, climatogist, etc) to devastate (city, state, country, etc…) The (local, state, or national) government had discounted the research of the (seismologist, vulcanologist, climatogist, etc). Through the (tornado, earthquake, tidal wave, hurricane, volcanic eruption, etc)’s wake, the (seismologist, vulcanologist, climatologist, etc) must endure some sort of family crisis which normally concerns the extremely cute (spouse, son, daughter, third cousin twice removed, etc…) While the final burst of the (tornado, earthquake, tidal wave, hurricane, volcanic eruption, etc) is coming, (seismologist, vulcanologist, climatologist, etc) must save the precious (spouse, son, daughter, third cousin twice removed, etc) while still counseling the (local, state, or national) government on how to survive the (tornado, earthquake, tidal wave, hurricane, volcanic eruption, etc…)

How to calculate your Score

A. Add the number of movies from Example 1 and divide by 2.

B. Add the number of movies from Example 2.

C. Add the number of movies from Example 3

D. Total A, B, and C.

Grade:

Score < 15 — You really need to watch Sci-Fi Channel on the weekend.

Score < 25 — Watch Steven Segal movies made in the last 5 years for 24 hours.

Score < 35 — Writing slash fanfics about Boa vs Python vs King Cobra vs Bigfoot is just plain repulsive.

Score > 50 — You need to stop watching Direct to Video killer animal movies.