Forgotten Movies of the 1980’s – By Danny Runion

 After trying to convince anyone that Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel playing beach volleyball in an epic movie for 4 1/2 hours is the greatest idea since pizza delivery, I’ve decided to discuss some of the forgotten movies of the 1980s. As a kid, some movies played almost continuously and parents would let you watch them. Remember the days when a Roger Moore James Bond movie was on the Sunday night movie? If it wasn’t, it would be one of the movie channels on the satellite at least 3 times a week. The days are gone when BeastMaster was on everyday right before Flash Gordon and Howard the Duck.

BeastMaster
The touching story of Marc Singer being born of a cow and gains the ability to talk to the animals. However, he uses the talent for far more than just the typical Dr. Doolittle conversations. The Beastmaster is the movie that made all kids want to own pet ferrets. It is better to want a ferret than wear a leather mask and have a neon green liquid shot into your head. If you listen closely enough when Rip Torn first appears, you can even hear him mourn the loss of his career…

CHUD
The words just roll off the tongue: Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. A group of bums get infected with toxic waste and become the aforementioned Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. Nobody seems that concerned with the bums on the streets because they’re totally unaware of the "Cannibalistic" part of the radioactive homeless dietary needs.

Flash Gordon
"Flash-AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH, Defender of the Universe." Decades ago, some kids didn’t know who Queen was. They had heard the "Flash Gordon" song from this movie. If they were old enough, they’d be thinking "hey this band doing the Highlander theme songs sounds familiar from somewhere else."


Howard the Duck

The movie George Lucas wants the world to forget right after the Star Wars Holiday Special. I don’t think it would be bragging to claim this is the greatest "midget wearing a duck suit being seduced by Leah Thompson" movie ever made. At the very least, no one could take Tim Robbins seriously after seeing him as a janitor who becomes a 1980s girl band manager. Jeffrey Jones who gets possessed by the Dark Overlord of the Universe has just gotten creepier after his arrests, which makes him chasing a midget in a duck suit even stranger.

Superman IV: a Quest for Peace
The early 80s showed Superman 2 and Superman 3 quite a bit. However, both movies combined or raised to any exponential power could be shown anywhere as much as the Cannon Films last hurrah or how to kill a superhero series for more than a decade without Joel Schumacher. Too be fair, the next DC superhero movie was the original Tim Burton’s Batman (Never let a chance go by to not show my comic book geek cred…)