Gothic Vampires From Hell (2007) – By Duane L. Martin

 From the MVD Visual website:

The band "Gothic Vampires From Hell" knew the music business was tough, but they didn’t know that it was THAT TOUGH! When they meet sexy record executives (Gina DeVettori of DARKWORLD, Kristen Zaik of WEREWOLVES IN A WOMEN’S PRISON) at Gotham Records they thought they might be sharks, but what they really turned out to be were BLOOD SUCKING VAMPIRES!

That’s basically what this movie is about, and while not a horribly bad movie, I don’t think it’ll be gracing anyone’s top 10 lists. The biggest problem with this movie is that it’s just not all that interesting or believable. You have a small group of sexy female vampires running a goth record label, and yet they kill all the bands they’re supposedly going to sign along with whoever else happens to be around. Isn’t that kinda shooting yourself in the foot business-wise? And how is it that no one seems to notice this massive number of people constantly being murdered?

Ok, let’s set aside the absurdity of the story for a minute and look at it from a technical aspect. Technically, this movie wasn’t bad. Nice camera shots, decent editing, the lighting was good, even in the dark scenes, and the set design was pretty decent, although a bit spartan at times. This movie did commit one of the most cardinal sins you can commit as a film maker though, and that’s that there was at least one scene if not more where the music completely walked on the dialogue. In fact, in one scene in particular, it didn’t just walk on it, it stomped a mud hole in it. People watch a film for the story, and if they can’t hear the dialogue, they’re not getting the whole story.

Again with this film, as with most of the films I reviewed this month, the acting quality was kind of a mixed bag. Jessica Remmers as Morgana was not only the most heart-stoppingly beautiful member of the cast, she was also the best actress in the film. She actually reminds me a lot of Lexa Doig (Andromeda, Stargate SG-1) for some reason. In fact, she was so good, I actually felt bad for her being stuck in a film like this. She deserves to be in films that really showcase her talent. She only has three film credits listed on IMDB, but I have no doubt whatsoever that she has a really great career ahead of her.

The male lead in the film, Draven (Wonder where that name came from? The Crow maybe?) played by Michael Anthony Panella, seemed rather…jeez, I don’t know…clueless? No, that’s not the right word. Maybe dim? I dunno. He just seemed like he wasn’t overly bright about anything that was going on. He’s the lead singer in their band, Gothic Vampires From Hell, (Again, a very generic name,) and he’s very driven to take the band as high as it can go. I guess part of why I see him as dim is because even though he’s got this unbelievably hot girlfriend, he ends up sleeping with the head vampire chick and owner of the record label, Annastasia Nightshade, played by Gina DeVettori, who then turns him into a vampire so that he can be their new leader, which I never could figure out because it seemed like they were doing just fine with her in charge.

Anyway, the creature make up on the actors was fairly simple. How hard is it really to stick a couple of pointy teeth in someone’s mouth and maybe throw in a couple of funky, colored contact lenses to complete the effect? That’s the easy part. The part that actually impressed me was the gore when people would get bitten. Those who had chunks of their neck torn out were squirting blood and twitching in a rather realistic manner that looked really quite good. The effects people on this film should be commended for some fine work with those scenes.

Despite the story being rather lame, this isn’t a horrible movie, and there is some pretty decent music in it. Still, the movie shouldn’t be about the music, it should find it’s strength in the story, and in this case, it just doesn’t have it. However, for what it is, it’s not that bad of a film, and while I can’t recommend it whole-heartedly, I can’t say it’s horrible either. It’s just ok, and that’s probably what most people would feel like when it was over. They’d feel like they just watched an ok film.

If you’d like to find out more about this film, you can check out the film’s website at http://www.ginadevettori.com/GVFH.htm. The film is being distributed by the MVD Entertainment Group. (http://www.mvdvisual.com)