Hectic Knife (2016) – By Misty Layne


I love Troma. I have loved – nay, adored – Troma for years and years now, ever since I laid eyes on TROMEO & JULIET (the amazingness!!). Finding Troma was like finding home and heaven at the same time. *sighs* Now Troma is distributing a new film, HECTIC KNIFE, and I’m sad to say that I have no love for it.

HECTIC KNIFE is the story of a crazy, knife-wielding vigilante who must save the world from an evil villain named, Piggly Doctor – a parody of superhero vs. super-villain stories. God, with a description like that, how could you NOT love it, you say? I WANTED to, OMG, I wanted to. I started out so hopeful because a) TROMA!!! and b) I am always up for a good knife fight. I stayed hopeful throughout the first scene of the film which was fabulously fun and then…then HECTIC KNIFE started sliding down the slippery slope of parody, going from SCARY MOVIE territory into SCARY MOVIE 5 territory. I don’t understand what happened…

No, really. I don’t know what was going on in the film (besides copious amounts of slashing and blood – THAT was the best part). Hectic Knife is the name of our vigilante and he travels around town helping people even though he doesn’t really care (kind of a calling he can’t escape, I guess?), saving hookers without hearts of gold and taking care of muggers and kingpins alike. Piggly Doctor crops up with a nefarious plan – he’s kidnapping teens and getting them hooked on “THE DRUGS”!! *gasps* (see why I don’t understand what happened here? That’s gold.) Meanwhile, Hectic is getting tired of taking care of business and is dealing with a new girlfriend he doesn’t want. Then it all just…at some point Hectic meets his dad? And he’s in India a lot training with knives? But I think those are actually flashbacks (or acid trips)? What small amount of plot there is just dissolves like sugar in water, creating an effect of mayhem that’s more farcical than anything else. I cared not about our stalwart hero. I didn’t even care about our super-villain extraordinaire. I just wanted the movie to end.

And that makes me really, super-sad. Like, you have no idea how excited I was to see this film. Gah, and the potential is there, if you wade through all the absurd crap that’s seemingly thrown in just to be there and for no other reason. It just needs to be drug out and back into the sun.

If you like the SCARY MOVIE franchise, you’ll probably dig HECTIC KNIFE, but this is an indie film that I really cannot recommend. (Sorry, Lloyd) The final decision, however, is up to you and you alone. Do you stop by the HECTIC KNIFE Facebook page to learn more about this slipshod mishmash or do you run from our knife-wielding vigilante and into the arms of something better?