How I Spent My Summer Vacation – By Danny Runion

Well it’s about that time of year when all the kids are heading back to school and end up having to write essays about what they did over their summer vacation. Calendar-wise, the summer has a little less than a month left before autumn arrives on September 22nd. The beach is full of sand, sun and surf.  It’s also unfortunately filled with towels inflatable swim rings and annoying people.  I’m betting that if you’ve recently seen Jaws, then pretty much any type of boating accident will have you suspicious of whatever coastal town mayor happens to be holding office at your present location. There are plenty of beaches for giant killer monsters to dine on the tastiest, human beings of the world according to all of the SyFy Saturday night shark movies, so here are some alternate locations to hit instead of finishing off your summer with a trip to a potential bloodbath at the beach.

Run Down Haunted House

What is it about cobweb filled houses that have been abandoned for 50 years that draws horny and nubile teenagers like a magnet? If anyone has the answer, the Bates Motel would buy that secret to increase its business or why would anyone buy the House on Haunted Hill. How much liquor do you need to drink to make the run-down house on the edge of town to look like a five star hotel? What is so romantic about a bed that hasn’t had the sheets changed since a sign saying "George Washington slept here" was hung on the wall?  Examples include Amityville series, Carnivore, Night of the Demons, The Shining, etc….

Cemetery, Mausoleum, Ancient Burial Grounds

What would be the worst place in the world to be when the dead crawl from the ground? Six inches from where the dead crawl out of the ground would have to be bad enough A cemetery should be avoided at all costs in movies except especially if Linnea Quigley is dancing around some tombstones. The only people who should explore ancient burial grounds better be named after states.  Examples include Cemetery Man, Night of the Living Dead, Pet Cemetery, Return of the Living Dead, etc…

Recently Re-opened Summer Camp

Wouldn’t a summer camp home to tragedy and death be hard to sell to new buyers to reopen? It seems the negative publicity from the "Summer Camp Massacre” would ruin your attempt at reopening the summer camp or retreat for disturbed teenagers. The realtor may claim the property is a steal but the price of body bags will bankrupt you with the number of pillow case and hockey-masked maniacs.  Examples include Friday the 13th, Sleepaway Camp, etc….