Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000) – By Brian Morton

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the video store. Alright, that’s not the tag line, but it should be. The crew that brainstormed the original killer mutant snowman, Jack Frost, is back at it again and this time, it’s personal. At least, I took it personally. You see, at the end of the original Jack Frost, we left Jack sealed in waterproof containers buried in an unmarked grave. Well, the government wants Jack for research, but you know how that always goes in these movies. While the government scientists are taking a break, in comes the janitor and spills coffee into the tank holding Jack’s liquid remains and reactivates him.

Cut to our sheriff friend from the town of Snomonton, he’s about to take a vacation to the tropics, a place where snow has never been known to be. Well, Jack has some revenge to get to, because of the name of the movie and all; he’s on his way to the tropics too. Well, when Jack gets to the island he begins killing people, sadly all of the killing is done off camera and we never get to see any of the carnage that everyone talks about through the movie, we just have to take the casts word for it. So, Jack’s on the island, the sheriffs on the island and our friend the now former FBI Agent Manners is also here, but he’s been let go by the agency and he’s now the head of island security, it’s the ultimate coincidence! So, now all the players from the first movie are in place and it’s time for a little mutant killer snowman hunting. And we all know what that means, we’re gonna need some anti-freeze!

Our intrepid cast lure our buddy the evil Frosty into a pool full of anti-freeze that they just happened to have lying around the tropical island, but there’s a problem, because he was killed by anti-freeze in the first movie, Jack Frost has been molecularly altered so that anti-freeze is no more than an annoyance. Oh, and it does one other thing, it make Jack have little evil snowballs. That’s right, for some reason, anti-freeze makes our male snowman pregnant and he has little evil snowballs that run around killing people. That’s right, suddenly what was supposed to be a horror-comedy movie has turned into a very lame rip-off of Gremlins, only with snowballs.

Now, we not only have to kill Jack Frost, we have about a hundred little evil snowballs with teeth to kill to, so what can we use to get rid of them? That’s right, bananas. You see, at the end of the first movie, when our sheriff friend tackles Jack into a truck bed full of anti-freeze he was wounded. So, a little bit of Jack Frost’s dna mixed with the sheriffs and some of the sheriff’s dna mixed with Jack’s, so Jack now, conveniently, has contracted the sheriff’s allergy to bananas. That’s right, if a banana touches Jack or any of his evil snowball offspring they explode in a burst of red goo. And, since we’re on a tropical island, there are bananas everywhere…it’s all very convenient.

If you saw the first and liked it, then, first I’d probably question your sanity, but this is a movie that is truly meant to be put aside and avoided at all costs. It’s Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman and the only revenge that we’d like to see Jack actually take is on the people who wrote this yellow snowball of a movie!