Movie Mashups 13: More Stuff – By Danny Runion

Mashups 13 Dream Child Take Manhattan

Once more, we’re seeing how movies can be combined into more entertaining movies without digitally superimposing Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba in the greatest beach volleyball movie ever made. Don’t laugh; everyone knows that idea is gold plated platinum wrapped in silver wire. Just to explain for those who haven’t read any of my previous articles. I take parts of various movies together that have some connections and get movies that would make you think Armageddon 2 isn’t that bad of an idea until Rosie O’Donnell gets to be Natalie Portman’s body double…..

Giant Spiderman Invasion – The world is in peril once again. A meteor brings an alien spider that bites a puny teenage boy. Faster than you can say "with great power comes great responsibility," the teen isn’t just gaining alien super spider powers. After learning how to weave spider webs into giant silk-shaved-spandex clothing, he starts trying to defend the city from criminals. He does find one of the perks included is getting to make out with the girl he’s worshipped from afar all his life. He doesn’t seem bothered that she is virtually obsessed with a guy in spandex whose face she’s never seen. Spidey has a big problem. He’s also growing into a giant Spiderman.

Purple Reign of Fire – The world has been falling farther and farther into a nightmarish realm since dragons have started attacking people around the world. The world does have some heroes left. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince or as a Strange Symbol has discovered he can wield his funky shaped guitar to slay dragons. He is joined by shaven-headed Chris Kattan leading a small band of commands in commando missions against the dragons. Can these heroes unite for one mission that will free the world without killing each other first? The soundtrack will of course include the future classic songs "When Dragons Fry" and "Dragon Nikki."

Santa Claus 3: The Escape from the Planet of the Apes – After Dr. Zaius escaped back in time away from the nuclear war started by mind-controlling deformed mutants, he crashes into the North Pole. He crashes into the North Pole, inadvertently on top of Saint Nick. Freezing from cold, he wears Santa’s coat and is starting to transform into the new Santa Claus. Can the elves get Santa Zaius ready to deliver the good little boys and girls all over the world and learn the true meaning of Christmas? A better question will the military not launch any cruise missiles at a Orangutan Santa Claus from a potential future hoping to prevent the possibility of humanity becoming slaves to primates?