With Hollywood writers on strike, it is now the time for my deranged ideas to be green-lit. The world needs more of my Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel fantasies. Slow motion beach volleyball, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve yet to hear anyone think that idea is awful.
Captain American Werewolf in Paris
After Captain America’s previous lycanthropic adventure in England, one would think he’d have learnt his lesson…However, he is on another vacation in Europe. This time, he’s in France. Why? Because as everyone knows that all super soldier werewolves love to run around Paris terrifying pastry chefs who scream "Sacre Bleu!!!"
Near Dark Crystal
With kids wanting epic fantasy movies, what does the world need? Vampirized puppets based on a Jim Hensen story would be a good start. A small town gelfling is converted into a vampire and falls in with a bad lot of evil Muppet vampires. However, his father, with the voice of Tim Thomerson, begins a quest to retrieve a magic crystal that that will remove the vampiric curse from his son, the little gelfling spawn.
River Runs Through It That Came From Outer Space
A family is tied together by more than just blood or even fly-fishing when evil aliens invade Earth. Yes, as one family unites under the oppression of the evil alien overlords, the son becomes more on an expert fly-fisherman. Why exactly is fly fishing so important? The hero is traveling the country linking various resistance groups to plan when to strike.
Spider Baby’s Day Out
A family that has been devolving over the generations gets loose in the city and hilarity ensues. 2 distant family members decide the best way to get the family fortune is stage an elaborate kidnapping scheme. However, the men that are hired aren’t exactly the pinnacle of experience kidnappers. As they search throughout the city to recover them, the homicidal maniac heirs run rampant through the city. With plenty of Home Alone type shenanigans, everybody will be rolling in the aisles.