It is a given that they sit in the chairs and rule over everyone. Yes, film snobs for the only opinions that matter are their opinions. If you don’t fall down and accept how the only movies that matter are those brilliant artistic independent films, you obviously must be WRONG. A philistine not possessing enough intelligence to accept how truly magnificent they are. Well, with ideas like that, the world has yet to embrace the brilliance of my ideas. With such horror and madness throughout the world, there has to be something that can make the world a better place. A beach volleyball movie with Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson has to be a good beginning.
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Giant Spiderman Invasion
The world is in peril once again. A meteor brings an alien spider that bites a puny teenage boy and faster than you can say "with great power comes great responsibility." The teen isn’t just gaining alien super spider powers. After learning how to weave spider webs into giant silk-shaved-spandex clothing, he starts trying to defend the city from criminals. He does find one of the perks included is getting to make out with the girl he’s worshipped from afar all his life. He doesn’t seem bothered that she is virtually obsessed with a guy in spandex whose face she’s never seen. Spidey has a big problem. He’s also growing into a giant Spiderman. If this movie is successful enough, there is always the rumor he may have to battle the above mentioned Amazing Colossal Man Who Wasn’t There.
Hellboyz in the Hood
Ron Perlman once again dons the shaved horns as Hellboy. However, this is an alternate reality version not based on the original movie. The federal government due to budget cuts has to close the Bureau of Paranormal Defense. Abe Sapien is moved to Sea World to wear a very fake looking dolphin suit and impersonate Flipper. However, Hellboy is shipped to the West Coast. More precisely, he is sent to live in Compton. After displaying his "Red Right Hand," Hellboy is tempted by the local gang to be inducted. As he ponders what to do with his life, he is still drawn into saving humanity from paranormal monsters besides the horror of Brittany Spears. Should Hellboy join a gang or continue to battle the forces of evil that encompass South Central LA?
Leprechaun 4: In Space Mutiny
For a change, the Leprechaun has more than just gold or mood altering chemicals on his mind. He plans on eliminating Santa Claus, the captain of the starship, Southern Star, and taking over as ship’s captain. Though the idea of Leprechaun having wacky hi-jinks like Captain Stubbing on Love Boat sounds good, this Leprechaun plans on being a bit more like Darth Vader. However, he has one man against him. One man can’t be stopped by a deranged Warwick Davis in ghoul makeup. One man that is proud enough to call himself Reb. Yes, Reb Brown, Biff McLargeHuge himself will battle the tyranny of the Leprechaun
Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach Blanket Bingo
The police department has Tackleberry, Jonesy, Captain Lassard, and all the others to a police convention. In Miami, a riot breaks out among the college kids on a spring break concerning the girls’ gone wild videos. The Miami police resort to having the Police Academy officers regain tranquility and discover whatever happened to Steve Guttenberg’s career.