As the summer movie blockbusters are about to start with so many sequels being released, it has gotten to the point no one can think of a single movie that isn’t a sequel, remake, or re-imagining. Why go to a theater filled with derivatively lame movie sequels when you can get completely insane derivative sequels without having to go to a theater, pay $10 for a medium diet Coke, or have to sit near the guy who’s on his cell phone more than a 16 year old girl talking about her date by just reading my deranged ramblings on a computer screen?
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Batman Forever Young
Mel Gibson is Bruce Wayne who was placed in cryogenic suspension after his girlfriend, Lois Lane, was injured and placed in a coma by the Joker. Well, some facts have to be screwed up to anger comic book fans. 50 years later, Dick Grayson accidentally revives Bat-Mel who is angrier than Mel Gibson according to celebrity gossip new shows. The Dark Lunatic prepares for a final battle after discovering that the Joker isn’t dead but has taken another identity: Police Commissioner James Gordon. Yes, Bat-Mel has to fight his way through the police to reach the Clown Prince of Crime before he ages back to his chronological age.
Se7en Brides for Se7en Brothers
The world loves thrillers and musicals. However, the time has come to fuse a thriller about serial killers with a musical. Yes, seven psychopathic brothers decide it is time for them to settle down. However, the brides-to-be decide about their dowries. The brothers from the woods have to now show their potential brides their determination by each eliminating 7 former boyfriends of each bride. The new local police officer is being trained by the retiring officer (Morgan Freeman) as they discover their biggest case will involve plenty of logger mountain men and spontaneous dancing to unheard music.
THX-113 Eight Men Out
You may be a Star Wars fan. However, the biggest secret is about to be revealed that may destroy all your joy in Star Wars. A secret will shock everyone and everything so much that even the magnetic poles will reverse in surprise. The world will be shocked by this tale of how George Lucas and actors were bribed by Steven Spielberg to tank Star Wars: Episodes 1-3. Your heart strings will be pulled when a small boy asks "Shoeless" George Lucas to say it ain’t so that Jar Jar was actually meant to be funny, and George walks away even smaller than before…The Vader Primal Scream will be the only thing left on your lips as you leave th theater.