Movie Mashups 6 – By Danny Runion

Once again, the movie industry has shown that rather than try to make strange movies that could be considered good. They would rather try to drown the audiences in mind-numbing dreck. Why do something original when an old horror movie can be remade? Well, I show them that I can make up a more insane movie concept from more than just one movie. However, the Jessica Alba versus Jessica Biel beach volleyball movie is still the greatest idea of all time…

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Battlefield Earth Girls are Easy
Evil alien, Terl, (John Travolta) has been sent on an advance mission to scout Earth for a Psychlo invasion. Unfortunately, he discovers that Earth women think he resembles the famous actor (John Travolta, in a duel role.) The women are chasing him. While Terl doesn’t quite understand why they want his Saturday Night Fever, he knows that the paternity suits by his spawn would bankrupt him. He has to resist the temptation of impersonating Travolta considering how really easy the Earth girls are unless he mentions that White Man’s Burden is his greatest work.

Con Airplane!
The idea of having Michael Bay and the Zucker brothers team up to fuse their movies together is almost Lovecraftian in its concept. After some food poisoning takes down the pilots, Nicolas Cage has to fly a prison plane. His only hope for anyone to instruct him is that Leslie Nielsen talking him down. Danny Trejo just hangs around waiting to hear when the Machete movie will be made…

Modern Problem Child
The Problem Child is back again. However, instead of just being sadistic, he is exposed to some toxic waste and gains the power of telekinesis. With as sadistic as Jr. is on his own, the power of telekinesis makes him that more a sociopath and difficult to stop. A computer generated John Ritter has to find a way to stop Jr. who doesn’t have to be anywhere near when he strikes at his targets. Gilbert Gottfried returns just because the man needs work.

Se7en Brides for Se7en Brothers
The world loves thrillers. The time has come to fuse a thriller with a musical. Yes, seven psychopathic brothers decide it is time for them to settle down. However, the brides-to-be decide about their dowries. The brothers from the woods have to now show their potential brides their determination by each eliminating 7 former boyfriends of each bride. The new local police officer is being trained by the retiring one as they discover their biggest case will involve plenty of logger mountain men and spontaneous dancing to unheard music.