Movie Mashups 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

Once more onto the breach with ideas that are deranged enough to have come from the mind that gave us 50 killer shark and killer snake movies of the past few years but without the pay or respect. For some reason, you would think there could be a limit to the number of movie plots that could be developed by fusing multiple movies together with a cerebral Brundlefly teleporter. Sleep deprivation and a loose connection to reality are the only things needed to come up with these ideas.


Daredevil in a Blue Dress
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Ben Affleck has been replaced with Denzel Washington for the sequel to Daredevil. Comic book fans have worked up in a furor over setting it in the late 1940s Los Angeles. The Kingpin is back and out for revenge. Daredevil can’t force the Kingpin to watch Gigli so he resorts to more personal and terrifying tactics. He must make the most terrifying choice in his career as he abandons his traditional Ol’ Hornhead costume for a Blue Dress. However, the rumor about re-enacting the finale of Re-Possessed with Leslie Nielsen and Linda Blair singing "Devil with a Blue Dress On" is only a nightmarish possibility at this point.


Jurassic Park is Mine:
Tom Lee Jones plays a disgruntled vet who sneaks onto a tropical island and claims it for himself as a means of protest. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize that this happens to have a few occupants from the Mesozoic Era. Yes, he has claimed squatters’ rights on Jurassic Park. He has more problems than protesting when contending with murderous raptors and cute precocious children who are UNIX hackers.


Nightmare on Elm Streetcar Named Desire
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Wes Craven decided the world needed more than horror with his tribute to Tennessee Williams work. However, he was not content with just taking the play and combining it with Freddy Krueger. That would be far too easy. After watching the Simpsons, Craven decided to do a musical version of a Street Car Named Desire. Yes, a musical horror movie should normally have everyone with a single iota of sense to run fast enough to break the speed of light in the opposite direction. However, audiences will be compelled to hear Robert Englund scream "Stellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" or "Nancyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Freddy Krueger is roaming the dreams of teenagers searching for Heather Langenkamp.


Soylent Green Slime:
In a future where food is almost as expensive as gasoline, the people are content to live on the popular "Soylent Green Slime." However, a tough cop discovers a shocking secret that could turn the world upside down. A group of industrialists managed to prevent an asteroid from colliding with Earth years before. A strange fungus was brought back and studied. During the food shortage, the mega corporations fed the elderly to the green fungus which was processed into Soylent Green Slime. Of course, Charlton Heston will utter that memorable line that "Soylent Green Slime is made Of PEOPLE…Of PEOPLEEEEEEEE!!!"

The World is Not Enough:
Right now, you’re thinking there was a James Bond movie titled that. Unfortunately, my idea is even worse than the original concept. In the course, of one of James Bond’s missions, he has a fling with Jennifer Lopez. She gets irate with being dumped because of her massive ego and trains to be tough enough to beat and kill him. Yes, Actually, it more like a jilted Jennifer Lopez chases James Bond like Carrie Fisher does to Jake Blues in the Blues Brothers. Well, Jennifer Lopez’s ego and contract allows her to perform several dance numbers to the percussive beat of Ian Fleming rolling in his grave.