Movie Mashups 9: Crazy Crossovers – By Danny Runion

They haven’t stopped me yet whoever they are. With the summer blockbuster movies at all the movie theaters, I still see my brilliant idea featuring Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johannsen in the epic 3 hour masterpiece featuring them playing beach volleyball or taking long hot showers still hasn’t been filmed. If it does, I’ll offer to volunteer my services as camera man regardless of the most experienced using a camera has been with a 35 mm camera, and those pictures didn’t turn out good. Well, back to more movies mashups if everyone can get their minds off my brilliant movie idea.

Batman Forever Young

Mel Gibson is Bruce Wayne who was placed in cryogenic suspension after his girlfriend, Lois Lane, was injured and placed in a coma by the Joker. Well, some facts have to be screwed up to anger comic book fans. 50 years later, Dick Grayson accidentally revives Bat-Mel. The Dark Lunatic prepares for a final battle after discovering that the Joker isn’t dead but has taken another identity: Police Commissioner James Gordon. Yes, Bat-Mel has to fight his way through the police to reach the Clown Prince of Crime before he ages back to his chronological age.

Clear and Present Dangerous Minds

Tom Clancy’s most famous hero, Jack Ryan, is back for his most dangerous mission. The CIA has Jack infiltrate what is considered the worst high school in America. He is there to break the drug ring open and motivate as many students into trying to see life more than just existing. While former Navy SEAL, John Clark, is teaching physical education and watching Jack’s back. The theme song will be "Gansta’s Paradise" by Coolio and Michelle Pfeiffer in her torch song phase from the Fabulous Baker Boys.

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: the Dream Warriors of the Wasteland

Freddy Krueger has a gang of demented goons that wander the deserts after the "great war" and punish those that want to bring "American Idol" back. However, a former gang member is traveling around in a knock-off Dodge Interceptor like the Wraith battling Freddy’s gang. Our hero and Freddy are on a collision course for destruction and death and possibly the most twisted scene this side of Ned Beatty in deliverance. Fred "The Hammer" Williamson opted out of this movie after learning he would not get the girl wearing a pseudo Princess Leia slave girl bikini.

Santa Claus 3: the Escape from New York

Santa Claus, a computer generated Donald Pleasance, is shot down over the maximum security prison, Manhattan Island. USA needs Santa to deliver all his goodies or else all the little rugrats in the country will whine for months. Yes, little Johnny needs his I-Pod or else. To save everyone the grief, Santa must be rescued from the Koch of New York (Michael Clarke Duncan.) However, there is the only man "bad" enough to rescue the jolly old elf whose belly shakes like a bowlful of Jell-O: Snake Plissken. The government catches Snake and implants him with a time delayed bomb that will irradiate him with a fatal dosage of gamma radiation.