Movie Mashups (Volume 2) #3-D – By Danny Runion

The world needs hope to eliminate the suffering. It is more than just some cure for a disease or to improve the environment. It is Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba to play volleyball in a 3 hour movie with Charlize Theron as the referee. I’ve never heard anyone complain about my idea. While I have mentioned one of my good movie ideas, decided to bring up some of my infamous previous mash-up ideas.

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Batman Forever Young

Mel Gibson is Bruce Wayne who was placed in cryogenic suspension after his girlfriend, Lois Lane, was injured and placed in a coma by the Joker. Well, some facts have to be screwed up to anger comic book fans. 50 years later, Dick Grayson accidentally revives Bat-Mel. The Dark Lunatic prepares for a final battle after discovering that the Joker isn’t dead but has taken another identity: Police Commissioner James Gordon. Yes, Bat-Mel has to fight his way through the police to reach the Clown Prince of Crime before he ages back to his chronological age.

Class of Nuke ‘Em High Plains Drifter

A mysterious cowboy wanders in Tromaville with his own score to settle. The radioactive waste has mutated the entire city of Tromaville is a challenge. As he takes care of the toughest of the tough, mutated honor roll, the Man with No Name sets his sights on the Tromavilla High Principal, Lloyd Kaufmann. With revenge being the prize that only a high enough body count can win, he cuts through each of the opponents by playing them against each other as he gets closer to the last target.

Die Hard-bodies

Bruce Willis is John McClane in his biggest challenge ever. While going to renew his driver’s license, he realizes that terrorists led by Han Gruber’s second cousin’s nephew’s half-brother are in the next line over. Unfortunately, he’s not carrying his gun. The security guard won’t listen. McClane does have one advantage a group of older guys who think battling terrorists will improve their reputations enough to impress the younger ladies. Can McClane teach them to be butt-kicking wise-cracking heroes in time to still get his license before the DMV closes? Can the terrorists be stopped before completing their nefarious scheme after they can drive to where their nefarious scheme will be implemented? Can John’s apprentices learn that going to bars and using "I really did stop a group of terrorists from attacking the DMV" as a pickup line is completely ridiculous?

RoboCop and a Half

After Alex Murphy (played by Burt Reynolds) was gunned down protecting a child witness; he was rebuilt into a cyborg law enforcement officer. Criminals are in sheer terror of RoboCop with a truly magnificent mustache. The child witness requests that RoboCop Burt to protect him again. Hilarity ensues as RoboBurt must contend with the precocious child. As he tries to also catch the men that murdered him, RoboBurt slowly learns to regain his human emotions and defeat the master criminal only known as Sheriff Pusser (a computer generated Jackie Gleason.) Audiences will be rolling in the floor with the crossing sword scene.

Swamp Thing With 2 Heads

It’s a collision for wackiness. When a mad scientist’s greatest project is run over in a car wreck, what’s he to do? Of course, surgically attach the heads of the drivers onto the body of his swamp monster. A large swamp monster with the heads of Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump can only lead to the greatest comedy since By All That’s Holy, Not Another Teen Movie!!! according to Wayans Brothers Academy of Hilarity.