In a world where there is such suffering and misery, it may be hard to find anything that brings any joy. I have done research to discover the solution. This solution may sound close to my previous attempts at writing the perfect movie. Though similar, they are light years apart. Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, and Jessica Alba playing beach volleyball with Charlize Theron as the ref may be the last good thing left. With science fact on my side, it is time to continue assailing Hollywood with these twisted movie concoctions.
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Amazing Colossal Man Who Wasn’t There – Movies have always had giant monsters terrorizing cities. Normally, these monsters were King Kong, Godzilla, or a number of other Japanese kaiju like Gamera. Cheaper special effects gave us the power of forced perspective giant insects like the grasshoppers in the Beginning of the End. Why only animals? Grasshoppers are notoriously known for being camera hogs. Why not have a giant man? What’s scarier than a 50 foot tall man? Why, an invisible 50 foot man, of course. What would be scarier than an invisible foot tall man? If he’s Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame, we’ve reached the Lovecraftian level of horror.
Howling 2: Your Sister’s a Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory – "Who left the hair in the shower drain?" may be phrase a coed may ask their less sanitary roommate. However, this movie isn’t the time for that phrase to be used unless one values becoming werewolf chow. Chaney College is a small upstate college with a proud history of education but has a secret. A terrible secret can no longer be kept in the dark. Charley is excited about college but less so when she discovers her roommate is the step-sister of her rival from high school. After the settling in period, Charely discovers some very strange things occurring on campus and never one to let anything go easily. She discovers the secret of Chaney College: lycanthropy!
Leprechaun: Back 2 to the Future – This is the summer movie blockbuster. This is the movie crossover that has audiences clamoring. The Leprechaun versus Marty McFly. The Leprechaun has traveled to the past using Doc Brown’s DeLorean, altering the past so everyone now carries around flashlights and do bad impressions of Mike Meyer’s Wayne’s impression of the Leprechaun. ("I’m the Leprechaun!!!") to terrify the Garth-like portion of the population. Marty McFly does have a weapon to battle the insidious imp: a musical repertoire of mid 1980s pop songs.