Movie Mashups (Volume 3) #5 – By Danny Runion

They sit in the chairs and rule over everyone. The only opinions that matter are their opinions. If you don’t fall down and accept how the only movies that matter are those brilliant artistic independent films, you obviously must be wrong and not enough intelligence to accept how truly magnificent they are. Well, with ideas like that, the world has yet to embrace the brilliance of my ideas. With such horror and madness throughout the world, there has to be something that can make the world a better place. A beach volleyball movie with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansson has to be a good beginning.

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Seven Brides for Seven Samurai Brothers
Movies have had many genres. However, it is now time for the greatest genre of all time: martial arts musical. On the top of mountain a group of 7 samurai brothers have decided that now is the time to surrender their bachelorhood and all want to get married. Around the mountains, the number of women is rarer than at a sci-fi convention. The samurais have to learn manners before they can test their skills at the barn-raising to try and pitch their woo at the ladies. However, they decide later the best way is kidnapping and holding the women hostage for a few months might be a better way to win love.

Spiderman in the Iron Mask
In France, a tyrannical leader has terrorized the population for a generation. The people still have hoped that that the heir of the dead King Benjamin will return one day. The small surviving band of the musketeers is still searching for the missing heir. They finally learn that in a dark and dank prison cell lives a man in an iron mask. However, he’s not just a man in an iron mask. This is a Spiderman in the Iron Mask.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre in Rome
Leatherface and his family have decided to take a vacation from the backwoods of Texas. They decide to go travel somewhere new and decide that Italy is the place. Leatherface had a hard time getting his chainsaw in his carry-on luggage. Cannibal serial killers have all kind of wacky problems in foreign countries like dealing with buying liters of gas for their chainsaws. On a tour of the Roman Coliseum, Leatherface spots Marilyn Burns. The chase is on can the finest screamer in the world evade the deranged family who really want to taste test if human flesh is better al dente.