Movie Mashups: Volume 3 – By Danny Runion

Because, no one has complained about my previous attempts at combining various movies such movie combinations like Chopping Mallrats. I’m back for more crossover lunacy or, I haven’t learned my lesson. These ideas may sound ridiculous or even completely deranged. Unlike Hollywood writers, a feeble grasp of reality and no actual pay are all that is required to come up ideas that may sound dumb but still are better than any Hugh Grant chick flick. However, just remember War of the Colossal Beast Master 2: Through the Portal of Time still has a really nice ring to it.

1. Apocalypse Now You See Him Now You Don’t

An invisible Steve Guttenberg has been peeking into women’s gym locker rooms. He is sent on a mission to kill the deranged Colonel Kurtz (a computer generated Marlon Brando). No one will forget when Tackleberry from the Police Academy movies delivers the immortal quote "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like….victory…" Some may think replacing Martin Sheen with Steve Guttenberg is complete insanity. However, it is demonstrating the dichotomy of casting a superior actor with one who is known for starring in Can’t Stop the Music or the casting director was Guttenberg’s cousin…

2. Captain American Werewolf in London

During WW2, while Captain America is in England preparing to invade France, he is bitten by a werewolf. Yes, this idea was done in the comic books: Cap Wolf. The question of how do you shoot a werewolf who carries a bulletproof shield isn’t as important as Scotland Yard tries to stop a werewolf that has the super soldier serum coursing though its vein. As Captain Amer-Wolf prowls the streets of London trying to hunt down the Red Skull who is plotting one of his patent villainous schemes. Can he be stopped or more importantly, can Captain Amer-Wolf find any decent flea collars?

3. Jennifer 8 Legged Freaks

A series of strange murders rocks a small town. A police detective (David Arquette) is hell-bent to uncover the murder before any other fall prey. During the course of his investigation he encounters a blind woman Jennifer, (Uma Thurman). She was a katana expert before being blinded. As the bodies continue to pile, she has to rely on him more and more The shocking revelation that a flock of giant spiders are responsible behind the series of murders would normally be quite a climax. Can he learn how to wield a katana in time to save Jennifer from the giant mutant spiders that were created from pollution by the nearby giant corporation’s factory?

4. National Lampoon’s Animal House of the Dead

Delta House has been the thorn in the side of the second Dean Wormer (played by Jurgen Prochnow) for far too long. Double secret Uwe Boll probation hasn’t been enough. Declaring revenge for his insane brother (a computer generated John Vernon); he hatches a plot to create an army of zombie freshmen to stop the Deltas once and for all. The fraternity’s wild shenanigans continually eliminate more the freshman zombie army. Marvel as a computer generated John Belushi swings Tarzan-like using banners in the showdown during the college’s homecoming parade and wields a sword against the slavering hordes of the undead.