Well, I still haven’t learned my lesson so back to another attempt at cinematic fusion Brundleflyed with insanity. We’ve seen what happened when Hollywood threatens moviegoers with terrible ideas. So, it is time to turn the tables and show that screenwriters may make ridiculous amounts of money compared to most people aren’t the only ones with terrible ideas. The question remains is my ideas worse from operating on a nonexistent budget to anyone who was paid. At least, I recognize these ideas are complete and utter garbage and not subject paying people to Young Guns 3: Season of the Witch. Though if any producer wants to license it…
1. Amazing Colossal Maniac Cop
A hideously disfigured 50 foot tall cop is enforcing the law mainly by stepping on the lawbreakers and malefactors. After Bruce Campbell is framed by the higher-ups to take the rap for being the giant killer cop even without a major piece of evidence the fact he’s not a giant. The city becomes more terrified of being squashed by 50 foot tall policemen they think can teleport right behind them. As the frightened populace begins to riot, the overwhelmed police have to uncover who the Amazing Colossal Maniac Cop is before King Kong hits the city..
2. Battlefield Earth Girls are Easy
Evil alien, Terl, (John Travolta) has been sent on an advance mission to scout Earth for a Psychlo invasion. Unfortunately, he discovers that Earth Women think he resembles a famous actor (John Travolta, in a duel role). A gaggle of women are chasing him. While Terl doesn’t quite understand why they want his Saturday Night Fever, he knows that the paternity suits by his spawn would bankrupt him. He has to resist the temptation of impersonating Travolta considering how really easy the Earth girls are unless he mentions how Moment by Moment is his greatest work which features him in love story featuring Lily Tomlin.
3. Swamp Thing with 2 Heads
It’s a collision for wackiness. When a mad scientist’s greatest project is run over in a car wreck, what’s he to do? Of course, surgically attach the heads of the drivers onto the body of his swamp monster. A large swamp monster with the heads of Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump can only lead to the greatest comedy since By All That’s Holy, Not Another Teen Movie!!! according to Wayon’s Brothers Academy of Hilarity.
4. War of the Colossal Beast Master 2: Through the Portal of Time
A deranged giant man (Marc Singer) who is able to control animal accidentally arrives in present day Los Angeles due to wormhole. Spunky rich girl (Jessica Alba) must help him in his quest. As the police must contend with a giant who can control animals, the Colossal Beast Master must stop his evil half brother (Wings Hauser who really needs a job to afford food) from stealing a devastating experimental weapon with a PS3 and taking it back to their home world where Tanya Roberts is considered talented.
5. Young Guns 3: Season of the Witch
Emilio Estevez isn’t back as Billy the Kid. Emilio is some guy named Fred who discovers a massive conspiracy. The Copper Cedar Company has been promoting the biggest Arbor Day of all time and plans to trick most of the children in America into planting trees for Arbor Day. Fred learns these are special trees that once planted will grow into corporate enforces for the Copper Cedar Company which is actually be run be the descendents of the Roanoke colony that disappeared from the Virginia colony in the 1600s. Can Fred stop the fiendish plot and hopefully convince his friend Keifer Sutherlund to get him a role on the newest season of 24?