Robocop 2 (1990) – by Nichele Johnston

 A highly addictive new drug called Nuke is sweeping the nation. The Nuke cult is led by a tall skinny weirdo named Cain (Tom Noonan). The cops in Old Detroit are on strike, so who’s going to clean up the town? Robocop (Peter Weller) of course, with a little help from Lewis (Nancy Allen).

In the meantime, Old Detroit’s finances are going down the proverbial toilet and The OCP Corporation, still led by The Old Man (Dan O’Herlihy), is planning to foreclose and take the city private. Like we care. Oh, and they are trying to get the Robocop 2 project off the ground, but it’s failing miserably. But the very resourceful Dr. Juliette Fax (Belinda Bauer) thinks they just need to wait for the right donor to come along.

At the police department there’s a dirty rat named Officer Duffy who is selling information to Cain’s gang–a nasty bunch that includes a kid named Hob (Gabriel Damon), the most amoral psychopathic trigger-happy twelve year old little bastard ever captured on film. Robo catches up with Duffy and gets the location of Cain’s hideaway. After a rather stupid attempt to corral them alone, poor Robo is taken apart and dumped on the steps of police headquarters. Eek! And the damned OCP people won’t life a finger to help him.

Back to Duffy, he gets his just desserts from Cain in the form of surgery/torture. Ouch. It’s painful. Be sure to watch Cain’s rather indifferent reaction to one gang members horror at Duffy’s fate:

Chick: “You said you were just going to scare him!”
Cain: “Doesn’t he looked scared?”

Now we cut to a scene with The Old Man in a hot tub. I really didn’t need to see that. Really. I’ll let you know when the nightmares end.

Robo is rebuilt and is a kinder, gentler cyborg. He’s been programmed to try and talk things out instead of shooting first and asking questions later. Needless to say, he get’s his ass kicked by a Little League team. Literally. The whole kindness thing goes over like a lead balloon. So Robo eats a power transformer and everything is all better.

There’s a big shootout and chase with Cain, because it’s mandatory and all, ending with a game of chicken, and Cain loses. Duh. But hey, Dr. Faxx has found her perfect subject for the Robocop 2 project–a violent drug-addicted antisocial psychopath. Wheee!!!!

And it all goes horribly horribly wrong. Blah Blah Blah. By this time I don’t care!!!! RoboCain shoots the hell out of Old Detroit. Blah Blah Blah. Robocop wins. The End. Get me the hell out of here.

Oh Robo, where did it all go wrong? What happened to all the brilliant satire combined with ultra violent bloodbaths? Here we get crap mixed with endless shootouts and bloodbaths. It sucks. Royally. And they made a third movie after this. Never underestimate the amount of people who will buy something for a dollar.

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Rogue Reviewers Roundtable Topic: The Robotic Menace

Nichele’s Review Site: Severen’s World of Really Awful Movies