Schoolgirl Hitchhikers (1973) – By Duane L. Martin

Monique & Jackie are out hiking through the woods one day. Eventually they get tired and start looking for a place to camp for the night. They finally find an old house that’s for sale and apparently vacant, and bed down in there for the night. Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t entirely vacant. It was inhabited by a crook who was waiting for his partners in crime to show up so he could deliver some jewels to them that he’d stolen. One of the other two was just a regular guy crook, while the other was a super sadistic, dominatrix like bitch who delighted in delivering pain. When the jewels turn up missing, the crooks think the girls stole them, and begin torturing them to find out what happened to the goods. One of them ultimately escapes and returns with a private detective and his secretary to hopefully rescue her friend.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this particular review, because one sentence from my notes that I took while watching the film pretty much sums it up.

"My god this is stupid."

Seriously, that about sums it up. This is yet another pointless sex film from from French director Jean Rollin, who seems to specialize in films that are supposed to be erotic, but only if by "erotic" you mean "boring".

This film gets so mired down in the "eroticism" and the lead up to those scenes, that it fails to really develop the characters in any meaningful way, or to present a story that’s enjoyable, or even really watchable. Mostly, it’s just slow and tiresome. Obviously, and thankfully, I haven’t seen all of Rollin’s films, but of the ones I have seen, there hasn’t been a single one that would ever inspire me to go back and watch it again. He takes illogical and implausible situations, makes them ridiculous with sex, and then rinses and repeats. This film is no exception. In fact, it’s a perfect example. Hell, last month I reviewed a zombie movie he made, in which he also threw in some pointless sex. Really? Even in a zombie movie? Yep.

I honestly can’t think of anything good to say about this film, at least not from a story perspective. The acting was ok I guess, but never more than that. Really, the only thing I can recommend with this one is to take a pass. Rollin, for me, is the king of the "one time watchers", but after you see enough of his films to realize that he keeps going back to the same old formula of implausible situations and sex, it’ll likely make you shy away from his films all together. While I am a fan of all films being preserved and released, that doesn’t mean they’re all good. So my recommendation with this one is to pass on it. There are films out there that are far more fun, coherent and sexy than this one. In fact, Kino just released one that I also reviewed in this issue called Zeta One. Check that one out instead. It’s groovy. This one…just never had a groove to start with.

By the way, they weren’t hitchhiking. They were hiking. There’s a whole world of difference between the two, so I’m not sure if it was a translation issue or if they just didn’t care enough about the film in the first place to put the right word in the title.

If you’d like to find out more about this film, you can check out its page on the Kino Lorber website here, and if you’d like to pick up a copy for yourself, you can get the blu-ray from Amazon, or from any of the other usual outlets.