Shadow’s Monster Survival Guide: The Id Monster – By Timothy Martinez

Name: The Id Monster

Monster Genus: Subconscious Cometolifus

Notable Appearances: Forbidden Planet (1956)

Origin: This heading comes first this time around, as a full
understanding of the nature of an Id Monster will greatly help in
discussing it’s various attributes. Id Monsters were the unexpected
creation of an alien race known as the Krell. The Krell had reached a
super advanced technological state and had perfected a means of linking
their minds directly with their machines and aided by a vast and almost
limitless power supply, were capable of carrying out amazing feats,
including manipulating raw energy into tangible objects (in essence
creation by mere thought) and creating a society without
instrumentality. However, they forgot about the darker natures that
lurked in their subconscious minds, and once this darkness gained
access to such unending power, the poor Krell were annihilated by their
own inner demons. Their great machines endured, and anyone who links
their mind to these systems runs the risk of unleashing more monsters
from the Id.

Height: An Id Monster is an example of one of the most dangerous
and horrifying of monsters…and no, I am not referring to a Paris Hilton
clone, but rather a creature whose form, including it’s height, truly
has no limits. Sure, The Blob can stretch if necessary so it can grab you off the roof of a building, and good old Godzilla
can just topple the damn building over, but even they have limits. Even
if “Blobby” ate every living thing on Earth it would finally reach a
point where it would stop growing (unlike Marlon Brando who was finally
thwarted by death itself). However, not only can an Id Monster take any
form imaginable – and everything “unimaginable” – it’s form can alter
at any time to further help it achieve it’s goals. It can call upon the
huge power generators of the Krell machines to fuel any and all
changes. What this means for you is very simple: You are screwed. No
matter how high you go, an Id Monster can follow. The tallest building
will do you no good. Hell, even an airplane is useless as an Id Monster
could alter it’s form and just “fly” after you.

Weight: The Id Monster may very well be the heaviest S.O.B. in the entire galaxy. To say that they weigh a lot is akin to describing The Incredible Melting Man
as slightly moist. Indeed, every Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig
chapter in the world would commit mass suicide if they ever learned how
much an Id Monster weighed. An Id Monster is made of solid nuclear
material and is so dense it can absorb any energy directed at it.
Normally such a fatass would sink to the center of the planet due to
it’s own weight, but an Id Monster avoids this by drawing on enough
power to renew it’s molecular structure from one microsecond to the
next. In essence, this means that if you exercise the colossal
stupidity required in order to take an Id Monster on “mano a mano,” it
will only take about .00009 seconds before you are quite dead, and most
likely in multiple pieces. Hell, you’ll be lucky if you are not
squished into paste or reduced to component atoms.

0-5/5 Yep, an Id Monster covers the entire I.Q. spectrum, from dizzying
intellects that make Stephen Hawking look like Forrest Gump, to so
downright stupid and dumb, that the previously mentioned Paris Hilton
looks like a supergenius in comparison. It really depends on the mind
of the person whose subconscious is creating the monster. That being
said, it doesn’t matter how dumb the Id Monster may be or how many
numbers are in your own I.Q. – with near limitless power to back it up,
who needs brains when brawn will do the trick? So, don’t pat yourself
on the back for eluding the monster or setting an ingenious trap for
the beast, because sooner or later it will get you, even if it has to
burn through the entire planet to do so.

Description: As with so many of it’s other aspects, the physical
appearance of an Id Monster is not set in stone. The forms it can take
are as limitless as the imagination, and given that it is the darker
influences of the subconscious mind that create an Id Monster, they are
usually quite hideous in appearance…that is, when you can see them. The
one aspect that is shared by all Id Monsters is that they are
invisible, only being seen under certain situations – such as having
something thrown on them or when having enormous amounts of energy
directed at them.

Habitat: Anywhere and everywhere. Seeing as how ID Monsters are
made up of pure energy, there really are very few places that they
cannot go. Certainly they can exist quite well on any type of planetary
surface, and no doubt could just as easily get by in the cold vacuum of
space. Hell, I’m willing to bet that they would even be safe in the
heart of a star. About the only place that might cause them trouble is
a black hole. However, if you cross the event horizon of such a
singularity in order to escape an Id Monster, you have much larger
issues with which to contend.

Behavior: Id Monsters have only one purpose in life – to carry
out the subconscious desires of whoever has created the beast. Sadly,
since those subconscious desires are more often than not very dark in
nature, this purpose usually involves reducing some poor slob (or group
of slobs) into an unworked jigsaw puzzle. Once that mission is
accomplished, or once the subconscious thoughts of the person creating
the monster have focused on something else, an Id Monster will
instantly cease to exist.

Special Abilities: Other than the invisibility factor, an Id
Monster really doesn’t have any special abilities and in all honesty,
it does not really need any. I mean, c’mon! It can draw upon near
limitless power in order to achieve it’s goals. Who needs finesse when
raw power will do the trick? It is resilient to any weapon and has
enough strength to tear a planet apart if need be. Does it really need
a suped up car or kung-fu grip? I think not.

Weaknesses: Despite it’s seemingly overwhelming advantages (hell, there is no “seemingly” about it – it owns
your ass) an Id Monster has two small disadvantages that will aid you
in your quest to remain alive. First, despite being invisible it can be
tracked given the proper detection equipment. That will help in
determining just where it is and in what direction it is moving.
Second, and most important for you is this: Id Monsters are slow as
hell. They do not move fast at all. Really when you think about it,
they don’t have to. They do not tire and will eventually catch up with
their prey. However, their ponderous pace gives you the time necessary
to carry out the one act that will stop the beast, either temporarily
or for good (see below).

Relatives: None really. An Id Monster is in a class all to itself.

What to do if you encounter: Fortunately for you, the homeworld
of the Krell was destroyed, so encountering an Id Monster will not be a
likely thing to happen. The bad thing is, the Krell were far-reaching
explorers and who knows if they left any colony worlds behind or if
there exists other planets where their technology may still reside.
Encountering an Id Monster is really a bad thing for you. It is
impervious to anything, and I do mean anything that you can
throw at it, whether it be a rock, a hand grenade, a SCUD missile or
one-hundred megaton nuclear warhead. There is no place you can hide
that it cannot reach. Sure, the vault at Fort Knox seems secure to you
now, but given a few minutes and an Id Monster will reduce the thickest
metal walls into pools of slag. Run all you want, but an Id Monster
will eventually catch up with you. To put it frankly: you are screwed.
Royally. There is only one way to stop an Id Monster –
find the person whose mind is creating the beast and divert those
subconscious thoughts away from you! This might be achieved as easily
as waking a dreaming person, or in the more extreme case of a fully
alert individual who is unaware that his subconscious mind is running
amok and after your precious posterior, ending their life. Sure that is
extreme, but the only other option is extensive counseling for that
person so their inner mind will no longer see you as a threat. Given
that the time for such a method is unlikely to be at your disposal,
knocking them upside the head is the best course of action.