Summer Time Horror Fun – By Danny Runion

With summer upon us, most people are dreading the horrific family get-togethers. Who could forget being packed for no breathing space, coast to coast, the road trips, the reunions, etc…? It kind of explains how so many of these characters snap from such feeble brands of reality. Please remember to hound everyone you’ve ever met in your lifetime with vacation pictures which are at least slightly less annoying than sending 50 different horoscope announcements each day to every Facebook "fiend". Amusement parks are too terrifying when having to contend with all the little screaming brats running more rampant than a moody cheetah-gator.

The trunk is packed with numerous sharp stabby implements, and gas tank is filled with plenty of griping of having to pay so much gas prices. Drive that car wild. Yes, Christine is highway and interstate bound. One more vary important vehicle tip, never ever anger any truckers with monstrous rigs from "Duel", "Jeepers Creepers", "Maximum Overdrive", "Monster Man". It’s time to start humming "Holiday Road" while you’re on the great American monster vacation. Freddy Krueger is always in the back seat with someone else screaming "quit touching me!" At least, Jason Voorhees and Norman Bates tend to always listen to their mothers. Michael Meyers is being yelled at to take off his mask and stop bothering his sister. If those are problems, the parents of the Invisible Man have a harder time of maybe accidentally being left back at a truck stop.

Have more fun than a Donner party until someone’s daddy buries the sarcophagus away. Summer needs some fun and combining it with BBQ cookout helps to kill 2 birds with one monster. Freddy may have the useful knifing glove claw for the meat but the gas grill gets to heat him badly. Dracula keeps getting puzzled about steaks or stakes. It’ll be better to keep Leatherface from cooking with Farmer Vincent’s fritters. The Wolfman needs to be kept from the raw meat and isn’t too happy with whomever sent the "shave the wolf-cook" apron. At a beach, the Mummy better be making some impressive sandcastles and sand pyramids.