SX_TAPE (2012) – By Duane L. Martin

Jill (Caitlyn Folley) is an artist. Her boyfriend Ian has a camera that he never shuts off. They have sex pretty much everywhere, and then eventually they go to this old, abandoned hospital to see about using it for an art show. There they run into a ghost that apparently possesses her, and then she kills everyone…the end.

Why did I not take the time to write a proper synopsis for this film? Because I’ve wasted enough of my time with this peanut turd as it is. I swear, if I see one more of these insipid “found footage” films, I’m going to grab the biggest axe I can find and start running amok.

What the hell possesses people to make these ridiculously bad found footage films is beyond me, but it says right on the cover that it’s from the executive producer of Paranormal Activity, the producer of Insidious and the director of Candyman, so there’s three people right there that we need to blame right off the bat.

Now, insipid isn’t a word I often use when describing a bad film, but it’s just one of a variety of adjectives that perfectly suits this one. Right from the very beginning I knew what it was going to be like, because several minutes passed, and then more minutes passed, and then a whole bunch of minutes passed and all we get to see are Jill and Ian having sex and acting like a couple of idiots. The lead up to them getting to the abandoned hospital just felt interminably long and drawn out, and then once they got there the whole set up was absolutely ridiculous. There was old hospital equipment, beds and all kinds of stuff just laying around, and the building itself looked like it had been through some sort of a pre-demolition process inside, but that’s not all. Here’s the REALLY stupid part. There was still power in the building as well as running water, and apparently the security cameras were still working as well, because at some point Ian is watching Jill have sex with her two idiot friends from the security room. That’s not even mentioning all the patient records that they found down in the records room just laying around.

I’m sorry, but if a hospital building was abandoned, it would have been cleaned out (especially the patient records), the water and power would have been shut off, the windows likely wouldn’t be boarded up and it wouldn’t still have all the furniture and equipment laying around.

For a film that’s supposed to be scary, it’s simply not. The ghostly activity in the hospital is limited at best, and what there is of it isn’t scary at all. Mostly it’s just cliched and really inept, feeling like it was thrown in just to give the film some sort of a hook so they could sell it as some kind of a ghost story. Now when I say it’s limited, I mean really limited. Most of it involves Jill being possessed I suppose, though she doesn’t really act like she’s possessed other than having a gushing bloody nose every now and then.

The ending of the film couldn’t possibly make less sense or be more pointless. The entire time I had to sit through this thing, I honestly thought it couldn’t get any worse. Well, the little tag scene at the end proved me wrong. Just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse or more pointless, they had to throw in that one final scene to prove me wrong. I guess they wanted to show that she was still possessed after it was all over, but that was a really lame way of showing it.

This new release from Well Go USA contains a making of featurette and the film’s trailer as special features.

I really don’t know what more I can say about this film without going into a full on, profanity laden rant. This is a film that should have never been made, much less selected for distribution when there are far more deserving independent films out there that would kill for the chance to get released. About the only good thing I can say about this film is that I don’t ever have to watch it again.

If you’d like to find out more about this film, you can check out its page on the Well Go USA website here: http://www.wellgousa.com/sxtape