Thankskilling (2009) – By Duane L. Martin

I’m not going to start this review as I usually do, with a description of the film. I’m going to start it out by saying that this is quite possibly the stupidest movie you’ll ever love. I mean seriously, you’d have to go a long way to find a movie that can be this utterly stupid and this hilariously awesome at the same time. This is a movie you need to own and watch with your family and friends…often. But what’s it about, and what makes it so insanely awesome? Well…

It seems that back in the pilgrim days, an Indian medicine man felt that his people had been wronged by the pilgrims, so he used a bit of necromancy to bring a demonic turky (named Turkie oddly enough) back to life to kill all the white people who had wronged the Indians, and every 505 years, it would return to wreak havok and kill people. Now it’s 505 years later, and he’s back, with a vengeance.

Coincidentally, five college kids have just gotten out of school for Thanksgiving break. There’s the jock, the good girl, the slut, the hillbilly and the drooling nerd. Basically, you have all of your standard stereotypes all piled into a jeep and headed out on a little trip. When their jeep overheats however, they end up camping in the woods, and that’s where the nerd Darren (Ryan E. Francis) finds a sign that makes him realize that they’re standing on the very spot where the killer turkey was brought back to life 505 years ago. No one believes him, but when Kristen (Lindsey Anderson), the good girl, walks out into the woods to get a cell signal so she can call her father to let him know they’re ok, she has her first encounter with Turkie. She manages to escape back to the campsite unharmed, but no one believes her. Unfortunately, they will soon enough, as Turkie goes on a killing spree, taking out them and their families one by one. Will they be able to stop the killer Turkie before it’s too late? You’ll have to watch the film to find out.

I’m very well aware of how lame that description I just gave is. I kept it pretty simple because to give away too much would be to lessen the shock value of this film. This film is quite shocking the first time you see it, and hilarious every single time after. There’s a million reasons for that that I can’t even get into without spoiling the movie, but here are a few reasons you need to see this movie.

1. Turkie is a total ass! – He really is a dirty, foul mouthed bird who comes out with catch phrases you’ll find yourself repeating over and over.

2. The kids are morons! – Seriously, it’s like they have two brain cells connected by a synapse and they share it around amongst themselves. Even the smart, nerdy kid is stupid, he’s just not quite as stupid as the others. This makes them all highly entertaining, as the much smarter Turkie goes through the movie terrorizing them and they try to figure out a way to stop him.
3. This movie contains the single, most utterly moronic, awkward and hilarious scene ever shot on film (or in this case video), and then manages to top itself by following that up with something so utterly stupid that you’ll be pissing youself with hilarity. Those who’ve seen the film probably know exactly what scene I’m talking about. Those who haven’t seen it yet…you’ll know what scene it is when you see it. Trust me. This film is a must see just for that one scene alone.

4. This movie is meant to be stupid, and really plays it to the hilt. I can guarantee you’ve never had so much fun watching a horror movie. Seriously, this movie is fun as hell.

5. The acting is purposely cheesy as all hell. For some serious cheese though, wait until you get to the scenes with Kristen’s father. My god he’s hilarious.

I actually saw this movie for the first time on Netflix instant play, and I was really depressed when I found out that it had had a DVD release, but that it was out of print. I wanted this movie bad, and now thanks to MVD Visual re-releasing it, I finally have it in my hot little hands.

Do yourself a favor and buy this film. You will absolutely not be sorry. I could sit here and get into all the story and technical aspects of the film from a reviewer’s standpoint, but seriously, when a movie is this awesome, you just don’t bother with crap like that. This is one of my favorite films, and I know it’ll be one of yours too, and when you see it, you’ll know why I feel the way I do about it. Just make sure you see it with other people, because that makes it even more fun.

The Thankskilling DVD will be released on November 8, 2011. You can pick yourself up a copy from Amazon here, and check out the Thankskilling website here. The website is kind of out of date and the buy now and DVD links go to the old release, but you can find out all about the movie there. The good news is, it looks like they’re making a sequel!