The Bottom 5 Movie Monsters – By Danny Runion

A list of the great movie monsters would have H.R. Giger’s Alien, Stan Winston’s Predator, Rob Bottin’s Thing, and the Brundelfly at the top. As good as those are, the flip side of movie monsters has some of the most atrocious and ridiculous-looking creatures. The crappy computer generated monsters can’t hold a candle to some of the truly awful monsters. . Today’s monsters may be slightly cheesy. Today, it is easy to slap a batch of foam-latex on somebody and bam, instant rotten zombie! However, these movies all pale in comparison to the laughingly bad low-budget monsters from the 1950s and 1960s.

A couple of ground rules will be set before determining these monsters. One, the monster must be seen clearly. How can you tell if a creature is bad if you can’t get a good look at it? Two, I’m only bringing up monsters I’ve seen and have images for you to marvel at their craptacularity. Otherwise, a movie could have a hero scream look out for the invisible beast with 5 heads and 100 tentacles, and that movie could be included. Third, the monster couldn’t just be a man with some makeup. For example, it just can’t be Tor Johnson staggering after people like he did in Plan 9 from Outer Space or Beast of Yucca Flats.

5. Torg, from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

How realistic is a box wrapped in aluminum foil for the torso of a robot? It happens to be more realistic than the oil can for a head…All robots need dials and various other mechanical looking doohickeys to look more authentic. The head needs to include components to resemble a human head such as ears, eyes, mouth, and an antenna which is to signify a bad comb-over.

4. Killer Shrew from The Killer Shrews

Humans aren’t the only ones used as badly costumed creatures. A bad costume on animals will make them look awful, too. A sheep dog with throw rug on his back does not a convincing monster make. It doesn’t help the "shrews" rush to everyone and seem to start licking them. This movie does make me think that animal abuse can be psychological besides physical.

3. Brenda from Curse of the Swamp Creatures

Any monster that has ping-pong balls for eyes is definitely a bad monster. Apparently, director Larry Buchanan loved this kind of creature. It has appeared in several of his other movies with only the head changed to some degree. The ping-pong eyes are trademark.

2. Brainiac from Brainiac

A brain-sucking monster has an 18 inch forked tongue/feeding tube and pulsating air bladders on the sides of his head. What could make this monster even more ridiculous? Every scene has the Brainiac shown in clear enough detail to reveal everything from the pincers with suction cups to the fur.

1. Ro-Man from Robot Monster

With a diving helmet, pair of television antennas, and a gorilla costume, a legend was born. Why a Ro (bot)-Man would have the body of a gorilla is a mystery? Even for the monster fans that haven’t seen Robot Monster, they will recognize him just by the description. Ro-Man has achieved a fame and notoriety that great monsters would kill to achieve.