Thong Girl 3: Revenge of the Dark Widow (2007) – By Cary Conley

What is a reviewer to think when the director of a film emails you and says, "I look forward to your scathing review. Please be brutal; I enjoy the pain." Frankly, I was a bit worried about Thong Girl. If the director himself is warning me about the film, how bad is it going to be? There’s only one thing worse than laboring through 90 minutes of terrible film and that is trying to hammer out a professional and unbiased review of a terrible film when there is really nothing good to say about it.

Thankfully, Thong Girl creator and director Glen Weiss has actually made a fun little film, one which I found to be thoroughly enjoyable. If you are familiar with a cheap 70’s Japanese TV superhero called Ultraman or if you ever enjoyed the classic TV show Batman, or perhaps your guilty pleasure are cheap-o Chinese kung fu flicks, or maybe you like anything Godzilla, then you get the gist of what Weiss is trying to do with Thong Girl: outrageous characters; over-the-top acting; totally cheesy special effects. But, oh, what fun it is!

By day, Lanna Layonme is a do-gooder assistant D.A. in Music City (that’s Nashville for all you heathens), U.S.A. But by night, Lanna turns into a sexy, red bikini-clad, boots-up-to-her-knees blonde bombshell superhero called Thong Girl. Along with her queer-as-a-three-dollar-bill sidekick Boxer Brief Boy (who by day is "hairstylist to the country stars"), she is ready to fight crime the second Mayor Richard "Dick" Boner calls. Her arch-nemesis, Chaz Chernobyl has just escaped from prison and to stack the deck in his favor, he joins forces with The Dark Widow, a tall, sleek, African-American evildoer who can’t wait to get rid of Thong Girl.

This time out, Thong Girl has developed a new secret weapon, an Ass Laser, capable of zapping nearly anything into oblivion (while looking good bent over at the waist, I might add). But unfortunately, Thong
Girl has lost her "mojo" and her patent-pending Ass Laser is little more than a fart with a green cloud. She must search for a cure for her lost mojo in time to fight Chaz and the Dark Widow in order to save Music City from their evil clutches.

What Weiss has created here is a very funny and offbeat parody of not just superheroes, but many genres of film. One of my favorite sequences has Lanna searching out a martial arts guru for some Kill Bill-esque special training in order to restore her mojo. Another funny scene has the goodies and baddies fighting with Kapows! and Bops! exploding from the screen, a la Batman and Robin. Still another funny scene has Thong Girl flying to the rescue with her breasts cut off due to cheap special effects, making her look flat as a board. But by far, my favorite scenes are those of the Ass Laser, which sees Thong Girl bending over, flipping her cape up, exposing her ample assets, and letting loose.

So if you enjoy superheroes or parodies, then Thong Girl is for you. And the fact that the two female leads are simply gorgeous is icing on the cake. Leah Adcock as Lanna Layonme/Thong Girl is simply beautiful and makes anything she wears look good; the fact that she struts around in a skimpy thong and high leather boots for a good part of the picture is almost more than I could bear. Then there is Lauren Benjamin, a sexy, sleek, African-American beauty starring as the Dark Widow. She, too, struts her stuff in sequined boy shorts and spider-web top. I could enjoy this movie by just turning off the volume and watching these two lovely ladies work their on-screen magic. Oh, but they can act, too! In fact, the acting is generally strong by all the leads. Tony Domenico gives an outrageously hilarious and very campy performance as the flaming, pink-clad Boxer Brief Boy. He is over-the-top and very funny. And Adam Burnett shows his acting chops as Chaz Chernobyl as well. He obviously relishes his role as primary evildoer and does a superb job as he savors every minute of Chaz.

Weiss himself also shows his considerable talents as a filmmaker as the story is tight, the directing excellent and the editing and musical score also very well-done. Overall, Thong Girl 3 is a funny and highly enjoyable slice of camp that any comedy or superhero enthusiast will enjoy. So what are you waiting for? Fly on over to www.thonggirlfilms.com to be introduced to Lanna and company, and stay tuned for Part 4 of the series, due out in April.