Tight (2012) – By Roger Carpenter

For fans of This is Spinal Tap comes the next big music mockumentary, Tight. Bree Olson, porn star ex-girlfriend of Charlie Sheen, creates a hard rock band composed of four porn actresses, dubbing the band Tight and sending them on a 37-day tour of the biggest dives and seediest bars in the west.

Monica Mayhem is the thirty-something matriarch of the group and by far the most experienced porn actress of the group. She has also been named the lead singer of the group by Olson. Latina goth rocker Tuesday Cross is the dark bass player while bitchy European diva Layla Labelle is the lead guitarist. Finally, there is Alicia Andrews, who has been named the drummer despite never having picked up drumsticks until just weeks before the band was formed. Together the four travel around the country, fighting, cursing, screwing, and playing music as they go.

The film is laid out much like any documentary would be, with live footage of the band playing gigs across the country and riding around in a camper interspersed with "candid" footage of the girls and various other hangers-on being interviewed as they go along. Monica is the oldest by a decade and has obvious fantasies about being the next bleach-blond Lita Ford. Unfortunately, she can’t sing well and while she wants to be the leader of the group, she doesn’t have what it takes. Layla is a diva in every negative connotation of the word. She is whiny, needy, disagreeable, and thinks she is better than everyone else. While she may be the most technically talented of the bunch, she persists in driving a wedge between herself and the others and then can’t understand why no one likes her. It doesn’t help that she has a soft spot for straight gin. Tuesday is a classic instigator. In true goth fashion, she doesn’t care what she says or what others think and dismisses everyone as meaningless. She also enjoys antagonizing the others and does so whenever she can. Alicia is the macho one of the group. She knows she’s not very good (she’s only been drumming for eight weeks) and has a complex because of this. She’s probably bipolar and doesn’t shy away from a good fight. She and Layla are mortal enemies and there are plenty of Jerry Springer-esque fighting and arguing between the two. Then there’s Joel, Bree’s creepy cousin from Indiana who has a penchant for eating sardines out of a can and watching his cousin when she films live sex acts. He’s a blundering fool and no one likes him but he somehow manages to continually insinuate himself into the tour.

The film begins with Olson explaining how she had the brainstorm of an all-female porn band. As it happened, she and Monica were in the midst of filming a sex scene when she mentioned the idea. Monica jumped on board immediately. So Olson set out to search for other porn stars who had others talents besides the ones in front of the camera. Once the band was set, Olson put the four strangers into one house, made her creepy cousin the road manager, and booked their first gig for five days after the first rehearsal. Really now, what could go wrong?

Tight is a funny, outrageous mockumentary that takes the Spinal Tap formula and notches it up with plenty of nudity and sex (although the film is unrated–and deservedly so–it shies away from anything that would be considered pornographic). Watching these girls traipse around the country massacring their songs, all of which have extremely repetitive lyrics, is great comedy. While the songs are mildly catchy, listening to Monica repeat over and over, "Gotta move, gotta move, gotta move to the rhythm" or "Yellow line, yellow line, yellow line fever" is hilarious. I’m not sure exactly what the message is here, but it may have something to do with the perceived intelligence level–or lack thereof–that porn stars have. That or Olson knew she was setting them up for failure and they couldn’t possibly learn the lyrics to a full set of songs in five days.

Tight has just been released by Wild Eye Entertainment. The DVD is packed with extras that include deleted scenes, music videos, live concert footage, a photo gallery, and trailers. More information can be found at http://www.mvdb2b.com.