Top 10 Movie Computer Faults – By Danny Runion

Many articles have been written about the rules of "slasher movies." I think it is time to bring up some of the most annoying computer faults in movies. The future from Star Trek demonstrates that all computers will have the voice of Majel Barret Roddenberry and will be helpful. It will take a quite a while to get that future with computers that don’t have FreeCell or solitaire. Although a holodeck just will be asking for trouble. Are there many memorable computers in movies? Hal from 2001: a Space Odyssey and Mother from Alien seem to form the core of the artificial intelligent computers in most movies. To be honest, K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider could almost fit in if not for being a series.

The main complaint is how scriptwriter seems to think a "KomPuotor" is a magic box capable of doing far more than is theoretically possible. In fact, I can only think of one movie that has any scene where a hacker has to spend several days of work to actually gain access to computer network: Italian Job. Computers can connect to every other computer without regard to network connections. A computer without any type of modem or any wireless connections will be able to access data from every other computer on the planet even if the target computer is turned off and not connected into any network. No movie computer will ever have any component ever go bad.

Top 10 movie computer faults

A Given: All computer programmers want their computers to sound like sultry bombshells and all secret information from a computer will fit on a single floppy disk.

10. All computers must have names like Mother, Father, HAL, Red Queen, or Joshua from Alien, Alien: Resurrection, Resident Evil, and Wargames.

9. Computers are always programmed to announce the automatic countdown to destruction. The system always must be shown hitting zero as the explosion rips the complex apart.

8. For some unknown reason, any artificially intelligent computer will always want to kill organic lifeforms. Normally, they are represented by some holographic representation of an evil child preferably with an English accent according to Resident Evil or just a hot chick sitting at a desk from Dark Side of the Moon

7. No computer will actually use any programming language or concept known in the real world. Ever see the villain use Linux? Ever see the master hacker worried about faulty memory allocation or use any assembly programming?

6. Every password will be uncovered in less than 5 minutes. Randomly picking any word out of a dictionary is several levels of difficulty higher than the password used to gain access to the secret files.

5. Artificial intelligent computer systems can somehow be stopped by making them playing TIC-TAC-TOE enough. If that wasn’t the reason, computers hate having to associate with Ferris Bueller. Wargames showed how close to a nuclear war

4. Hackers are automatically able to connect and hack into any network within 2 minutes. Example, Independence Day showed that APPLE laptops can send virus into completely extraterrestrial operating systems and computer networks with absolutely no difficulty. Marvel at Hugh Jackman’s cracking skills in Swordfish.

3. Every operating system is so graphic intensive, you couldn’t even play solitaire on it. Does the world need such a graphics intensive system to make a phone call like in Johnny Mnemonic?

2. The techno-babble about any computer component becomes automatically out of date. Watch Hackers, "it has a 14.4 k modem and a killer refresh rate." Mission Impossible has one of my favorite technobabble scenes discussing the experimental 686s in 1996. If you don’t understand, you need to be cursed with having to use a 486 with a 66 megahertz processor. Johnny Mnemonic has the fact that 160 gigabytes is a major amount of data to store in 2021.

1. Computers aren’t composed mainly of silicon, circuits, and wires but high explosives like C-4. I have written numerous programs that have crashed computers but never was able to blow one up by trapping it in an infinite loop. However, movie computers explode more frequently than a car going off a cliff.