Top 5 Worst Places to be in a Horror Movie – By Danny Runion

Most horror movies follow the so-called "rules." If you have sex or do drugs, you will die. Anyone who says "I’ll be right back" is guaranteed not to make it to the sequel. Cars, phones, and electricity will mysteriously quit working when you’re in danger. With as many of the "rules", I want to bring up the "places." Horror movies are normally set in a few places. If you think hard enough, you can find a horror movie set in almost any place. How many horror movies are set in an opera house except for "Phantom of the Opera"? Several places automatically have the story almost written as soon as the writer thinks to set a movie in a haunted house for instance. Who needs a good storyline when a mysterious ghost is stalking those teenagers partying in the local murder mansion?

Some of the movies could be considered in other places. Most ghosts seem to hang around where they were killed instead of at the graveyard. The "Frighteners" had ghosts all over the place which could arguably fit into multiple slots in the list. However, I am considering only movies that are set in one place. How would "Halloween" count with Michael Meyers walking around Haddonfield and finally returning to the old Meyers place? He spends most of the movie on the prowl. At least Jason is only targeting victims around Camp Crystal Lake. The movies mentioned are where they most took place. This isn’t a definitive list of movies that occur in these places but ones that came off the top of my head.

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5. High School or College

Every high school has the kid that was tortured and now demands revenge for the treatment. Movies have seemed to shy away from the alienated teenagers wanting revenge after the numerous school shootings over the past 10 years. The 70s and 80s really milked the teen slasher genre into the pale doppelganger that gave us the late 90s pseudo Scream genre. The horror movies almost always have a fraternity initiation involve something that will unleash death and destruction around the campus.

Examples include "Return to Horror High, Cutting Class, Carrie, Prom Night, Night of the Creeps, etc…"

4. Rundown Haunted House

What is it about cobweb filled houses that have been abandoned for 50 years that draws horny and nubile teenagers like a magnet? If anyone has the answer, the Bates Motel would buy that secret to increase its business. How much liquor do you need to drink to make the run-down house on the edge of town to look like a 5 star hotel? What is so romantic about a bed that hasn’t had the sheets changed since a sign saying "George Washington slept here" was hung on the wall?

Examples include "Night of the Demons, Carnivore, Shining, Amityville series, etc…"

3. Cemetery, Mausoleum or Ancient Burial Grounds

What would be the worst place in the world to be when the dead crawl from the ground? 6 inches from where the dead crawl out of the ground would have to be bad enough A cemetery should be avoided at all costs in movies except if Linnea Quigley is dancing naked around some tombstones. The only people who should explore ancient burial grounds better be named after states.

Examples include "Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Cemetery Man, etc…"

2. Funeral Home

Has there ever been any good come out of a funeral home unless you were married to a old billionaire with a heart condition? Ever notice that every movie undertaker is really creepy? Well, to be fair, undertakers in Westerns were cowardly and greedy. Horror movie morticians are creepier than Michael Jackson playing Santa Claus in a shopping mall. A crazy and wild eyed Clarence Williams III offering to give a tour of the funeral parlor and how some of the "unfortunates" met their demises isn’t an offer to accept. Would you deal with Angus Scrimm with his army of cloaked midgets and brain burrowing flying silver balls?

Examples include "Phantasm, Tales from the Hood, Undertaker and His Pals, etc…"

1. A Recently Reopened Summer Camp

Wouldn’t a summer camp home to tragedy and death be hard to sell to new buyers to reopen? It seems the negative publicity from the "Summer Camp Massacre” would ruin your attempt at reopening the summer camp or retreat for disturbed teenagers. The realtor may claim the property is a steal but the price of body bags will bankrupt you.

Examples include "Friday the 13th, Sleepaway Camp", etc..