Why Study Industrial Arts? (1951) – By Nichele Johnston

Joe likes shop class. He likes it a lot. So much that he daydreams about shop class while in shop class. He likes seeing his ideas come alive in wood or plastic or metal or leather. He likes the saw, the smell of wood chips, the glare of a welder, the feeling of chisels and hammers in his hands. As you can see, Joe is more interested in going into ecstasies with his table saw rather than find a nice girl.

Anyways, Joe is dragged out of his This Old House porno fantasy when his dumbo-eared friend Bill reminds him of basketball practice. Upon sight of the rather nice little table Joe made, Bill makes the mistake of questioning his friend’s undying devotion to the world of shop class, prompting Joe to launch into a tangent about the art and religion of shop courses that would make Tom Cruise blush with embarrassment.

It seems Joe had a conversation with shop teacher Mr. Barnes, and Barnes had a thing or two to say. With the expansion of the country there is going to be a need for men who can be architects, carpenters, and construction workers to mow down Mother Nature and build tacky condos while their wives stand by and knit sweaters or something. There is going to be a need for engineers, foundry workers, and plumbers to…melt steel and unclog toilets I guess. The possibilities are endless!

But Bill still isn’t convinced. What good will an industrial arts class be for him if he decides to be a farmer, a businessman or a cosmetologist? Oh boy, here we go again. As Joe so helpfully and long-windedly points out, you will still need to know your product, recognize quality materials and maybe make some repairs. I’m sold. Sign me up!

The argument isn’t over yet. Even in the locker room, our fishbelly white country bumpkin Joe is still preaching the gospel of Industrial Arts and drags the Coach into it. Sure, Coach took shop classes when he was in high school and they didn’t do a damn thing for him in coaching. But wait, it wasn’t a complete waste! He can make minor repairs to his car! And around his home! And he has a hobby for when he retires! Wow! That pushes Bill over the edge. He’s converted. He’s going to take some industrial arts courses. The takeover has begun! The End.