Zombie Doom (1999) – By Josh Samford

So, last issue I wrote up a little piece on German splatter films and the creative (and well, sometimes not so creative) minds behind such films. It probably wasn’t my best work, because well, it’s hard to find a lot of these films and it’s even more difficult to find information on the people behind them. Still, I brought up the films of Andreas Schnaas – and you’d better believe it, most of the criticisms found in that article are going to be re-written here. Truthfully, there doesn’t appear to be a whole lot you can say about one particular Schnaas film that can’t be said of all of his films. Zombie Doom seems to be the closest thing to an exception currently available in the US. Granted, it’s a very bad movie and yes, it’s as goofy as they come – but Schnaas, unlike his earlier films, actually demonstrates an ability to carry his film in some form or another and his heftier budget which provides better and more gruesome gore effects gives the film at least some credence. There are quite a few impressive scenes of barbaric murder in the film – and hey, what more could a growing gorehound need? Well, maybe some more actual Zombies in a film called Zombie Doom; but I’ll try and get to that later. Instead, I’ll just make the point that although Zombie Doom, AKA: Violent S**t III may not be a stellar addition to the world of extreme gore, and it will most certainly never catch on as a hot commodity even in the world of horror geeks; it still at least entertains it’s audience. Particularly those who are inebriated or just love to have a good time with a very bad movie; since I don’t drink, I readily admit to my love of really crappy flicks.

The first thing that should be tackled, and no doubt what will be the most popular thing you’ll read about the film, is the dubbing. If you’re watching the American release, and I guess if it’s "Zombie Doom" it pretty much has to be, expect some of the most attrocious dubbing you’ll ever find. It isn’t quite as horrific as Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence, found on the same disc (and featuring a nerdy white scientist guy who sounds like a soul brother straight out of a 70’s Blaxploitation flick) – but it has that same cheap and horrible quality to it. Voices almost NEVER match the lips of the people talking, not even as in an old Kung Fu film, the dubbing continues even when characters ARE NOT speaking! It even gets confusing trying to keep up with exactly who is talking. After thirty or so minutes of this, you’ll either adapt against your will or quite frankly you will be driven out of your mind completely. Either way it goes, you have to experience it just to say you have. I mean, incompetent dubbing like this doesn’t come around every day. You’ve got to search this stuff out! Me personally, I adapted and by the end of the film… I barely even… okay, scratch that, it never really got better for me as a viewer, but it did provide quite a few laughs every once in a blue moon. Hearing characters speak sentences without ever so much as mouthing a single word, well, it’s a simple pleasure but I’m a simple kind of guy. So, I guess this is the part of the review I should get into the whole plot of the film, but to be honest there’s not a whole to it. Three men are stranded on what appears to be a deserted island, they all use a lot of Quentin Tarantino inspired expletive filled bits of dialogue but soon discover the island is full of natives. What kind of natives you ask? Why, the violent kind of course! We then discover, after our ‘heroes’ are captured, that the leader of this army is none other than Karl The Butcher from the Violent S**t series, who has aged like all get out. His son is now doing the majority of the killin’ in this here motion picture, and I’ve got to give it to the guy, he’s quite good at it. It turns out there Karl & Co. have some kind of ritual on the island whenever newcomers stagger into their mits, and it involves a life or death game of hide and go seek. So the castaways are given a head start while the Infantry of Doom waits at home, polishing their blades, and soon the hunt begins. The three are paired off with one of the ex-army members who had a change of heart after Karl, AKA: Der Meister, made him rape his wife’s dead body (rough dude) – so three dimwits and a kung fu guy run off in the woods and start a guerilla war against the evil cultists. Pretty simple stuff really. Lots of blood and death, but the really weird thing is that while all of this is going on Der Meister has his own mad scientist developing a syrum to bring the dead back to life, giving us zombies. The mad scientist also looks exactly like Hitler, but that is beside the point. So, we have zombies and… oh, did I forget to mention the ninjas? Yeah, there are ninjas too – and of course The Master of the Flying Guillotine, a Kung Fu character made popular by Jimmy Wang-yu. How the character made it to this film, the world may never know.